oh lobel’s. how do i love thee? let me count the ways…

i’ve reached a point in my life where if i’m going to buy a slab of meat it’s going to have to be of serious quality. luckily in the nashville area we have some really good farmers raising the kind of meat i feel good about eating. i’ve felt this way for quite some time making it almost impossible for me to go to my local supermarket and just ‘pick up’ a chicken or a steak. michael pollan pretty much changed my thinking on all of this and now in the wake of ‘food, inc.’ - a movie that pretty much spells out the truth in undeniable facts about what has happened to our food supply and our nations declining health… well, in my home it’s either local meat from the farmers market where i can ask questions, or it’s ordered online from a trusted source.

i’m a full fledged omnivore, but given a choice, i’d take a bowl of pasta any day over a factory farmed piece of meat. and so i usually do. this way when i cook up a chop or roast a bird, it may cost more than one might be used to paying, but the usual meals of beans, grains and yes - my beloved pasta, seem to balance it all out. fyi - the above chop was about $1 an ounce. and my steaks can sometimes be as high as $4 an ounce, but this varies.

oh and just one more thing. a dear friend sent me this link and i am definitely making my next big thick steak using this method. this technique got my attention in a big way and quite frankly, i can’t stop thinking about it…

but before i hit you wth yet another bowl of linguini, i think the time is right to present to you this really beautiful and juicy 12 oz berkshire pork shop. it was simply seasoned and then pan grilled and served over some polenta that had been studded with italian sausage, mozzarella, roasted garlic and both red and green bell peppers. as a terrine it was lovely served beside some roast chicken, but there was quite a bit leftover so it was then frozen and now thawed and pan fried in the same pan as the pork had been while the chop was done and resting.

just now while i was writing this post i became a bit peckish and went outside and began to literally graze on my quasi-garden that resides in pots on my patio. some little ripe and very sweet cherry tomatoes were popped in my mouth accompanied with some basil and chive. i tasted the fennel fronds and the parsley and the french thyme too, just picking away as though i was a rabbit or a raccoon or a deer - or whatever usually ravages your garden…

some of the thyme was brought back in the house to go into tonights farro risotto, but on a whim i grabbed a few leftover water crackers, some fresh mozzarella and some calabrian fig molasses that i had just received as a gift and garnished it generously with the fresh thyme. when i took a bite i declared it absolutely wonderful.

the above picture is deceiving. i ate five of them…

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ok. this was good. as in very good. as in i won’t go all yoplait ad on you, but this was another definite do-over. and the sooner the better.

i take very little credit as this plate of pasta was nothing more than a blend of: the latest post from rachel eats‘ blog, along with the addition of some murray’s cheese mail-ordered burrata. i’ve since found out - and to my surprise, that trader joe’s carries "burrata", but my obvious thoughts on that were although it’d most likely do in a pinch, there’s no way it could be even close to the same quality as these delicate cream filled mozzarella balls made in italy on monday, and at my door on wednesday…

because you deserve a closer look…

it’s hot as hell in nashville. we’re on day 10 of 90+ degrees with the usual humidity issue, and well, cooking is only so appealing. the ovens are off limits but i will boil a pot of water and saute some onions - and happily.

but here’s what i won’t do. although i preach high quality ingredients and authentic preparation, here’s another ceF ruling to go along with the whole ”i don’t do pastry crusts" thing. so now you can just go on ahead and add to that - "i don’t slip the skins off tomatoes". because honestly, it just seems SILLY. yet despite this blatant admission, i still struggle with the fact (if only ever so slightly) that this conscious oversight would be sneered upon by better cooks than me. i mean the italian nonas do things for GOOD REASON. but then i quickly rationalize the whole thing - i honestly don’t think it changes the experience. and i’m at peace with tomato skins - though i have succumbed to certain other kitchen practices such as always trussing my chickens.

adding to the list of ‘do’s’, i also have claimed the red onion as my personal onion of choice for nearly all cooking purposes. i just like them better. and they look beautiful on my counter.

an important component of this dish is that you barely cook the tomatoes. for the record, mine were not home grown, as those are not quite yet available in nashville, but joyously coming soon. still, what i’d picked up at TJ’s were juicy and tomatoey. i used a fair amount of chopped basil from my herb pots, adding it the same time i added the chopped tomatoes to my pan of slowly sauteed onions, thinly sliced into half moons. you salt, you pepper and you’re done in 15 minutes. if that.

and then i strayed away from the recipe because I AM A REBEL and cut a creamy burrata ball in half and plopped it on top along with some more fresh basil. it’s a perfect dish. it just is. even with the aforementioned skins still thinly present…

but by far, the best part of dinner was the company. we had new friends over - emily and kevin. they brought extra tomatoes (in case), bread (i had none), wine (2 bottles of pino grigio) and a glazed lemon almond poppyseed cake that was quite good and tangy. and while we all sat there happily digging in to our respective slices, emily took her first bite and i watched as she sat there wrestling the flavors and consistency in her brain, thinking out loud about all of the things she perhaps could have done for it to have been better - and how she could improve upon it the next time.

and i thought to myself, i’m going to love this chick…

update  - with 3 reports now in on trader joe’s burrata, i am strongly recommending that you stay far away. my good friend heidi robb who i trust implicitly says, "Take a big hearty PASS. Their Mandara buffalo mozzarella is more burrata like than this insipid stuff."

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poached egg sitting on a caesar salad with bottarga…

grilled fresh mozzarella with crisped speck and basil…

and for the foundation of this fine dinner, may i introduce to you the 3 seeded bohemian loaf - courtesy of twin fork farms artisan bread.

it’s a dense - but not too dense, chewy slice of bread made from: whole wheat flour, unbleached flour, natural sourdough leaven, sunflower, sesame and flax seeds and salt. all the bread undergoes a long fermentation process which supposedly has a list of advantages, none of which i fully understand, but all sound positively healthful. i had read that for awhile these beautiful orbs were baked in a little beehive oven in david tannen’s backyard, just four at a time but that a bigger oven has since been built, and he’s now churning out about 300 loaves a day. i’m usually not much of a sourdough fan, but this is wonderful bread and i always try and keep a loaf in my freezer.

we’d planned on dinner out last night but the heat has set in to the tune of intolerable. high 90’s + the heat index = over 100 degrees. and really, i’m just not an extreme weather kinda gal. so with a house full of odds and ends and little need for much in the way of imagination, this was dinner. a caesar - of sorts, along with a - kind of, grilled ham and cheese…

it always amazes me what you can come up with just by poking around…

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this past week, ceF was 2 years old.

and somehow it’s been nearly 2 weeks since i’ve posted but… PEOPLE, I’VE BEEN BUSY. you see it’s been SPRING - and i’ve officially gone riding. so if you need me, you can find me in the mornings at edwin warner park worshiping at the altar of mother earth and heaving myself up some pretty decent sized tennessee hills..

but not only that - i was actually doing the W word…

i know, i know. working… it’s crazy - but it was just a short, intense job. this particular gig was feeding 16 people for 3 days. and since you’ve probably stopped by to hear about some food, i thought i’d share the menu with you so you can see that i’ve not been slacking - not in the least…

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thursday dinner

bruschetta:
tomato, basil, garlic
spring pea, garden mint, lemon zest, pecorino
cannellini beans, red wine vinegar, rosemary oil

orecchiette with broccoli rabe, toasted garlic, toasted bread crumbs, pecorino

roast pork shoulder with roasted vegetable sauce
grilled zucchini and red peppers

tiramisu

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friday lunch

pizza:
caramelized fennel, pancetta
roasted mushrooms and venison prosciutto
tomato sauce, shredded mozzarella, and fontina
san marzano tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, basil

caesar salad

lemon pistachio biscotti

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friday dinner

percatelli all’amatriciana

grilled tuna steaks with dill pollen
grilled chicken - lemon, oregano, garlic
panelle
asparagus with walnut crema and shaved pecorino

lemon ricotta cheesecake (pictured above)

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saturday lunch

pasta ceci
mixed greens and tomatoes – olive oil/balsamic
rosemary, garlic, black pepper flat bread

jacques torres chocolate chip cookies

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saturday dinner

cannellini beans with arugula, grape tomatoes, oregano, garlic, lemon, anchovy

roast chickens on a bed of rainbow chard with shallots
a gremolata of toasted pine nuts, garlic, lemon zest and flat leaf parsley

polenta terrine w/ italian sausage, mozzarella and peppers

olive oil and rosemary cake with crème fraiche ice cream and fresh lemon syrup

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sunday lunch

spaghetti, guanciale with caramelized onion and garlic

pork scallopine with a salad of shaved fennel, red onion, romaine, basil, capers, lemon zest and juice

honey glazed nectarines with balsamic zabaglione

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so, 72 hours and 4 litres of olive oil later, it’s all behind me now. overall, i’d say it was a huge success thanks to the incredibly competent and graceful maggie spicer, whose palate and integrity i trust implicitly, along with my foodie buddy chris widick who cooked his ever-loving ass off and put up with my requests and demands respectfully and kindly because well, he had to - plus he’s a prince of a guy. together we all made beautiful food and fed a bunch of hungry and grateful songwriters.

and a very special thanks to mario batali, andrew carmellini, lidia bastianich, paul bertolli, the women from the river cafe in london, nate appleman, gina depalma, heidi’s tiramisu, vincent from taste catering in dallas and a huge shout out to judy rogers’ and her zuni café’s roasted chicken because it’s just THE BEST. these cooks were all there on my shoulder making it the consummate group effort, to say the very least… 

but really, aren’t those almost always the very best?

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the bread you see is the olive bread from ‘on the rise artisan breads‘ in cleveland. and let me tell you, if there was bread like this in nashville - or even close, you wouldn’t be hearing me complain about the food here… maybe ever.

the salad was compliments of both chris’s handiwork and a farmer’s market stop on the way to my house where he picked up delvin farms local arugula, spinach and strawberries. the just picked produce was then paired with my begging to be used 3 week old golden beet - so all of that, a red onion - and a jar of this:

i kept the empty jar just to show you…

it was bought at buon italia in nyc, and i loved this stuff. it was worth every dime of the $6 pricetag. just some perfectly al dente farro and wild chickpeas, olive oil, salt and pepper. and SURE, you can make it yourself for a buck or so… but thank god you don’t have to. because can you say immediate gratification? nutty, chewy and perfect? SURE you can. i am telling you, this jar is an absolute pantry gem. i only wish i’d bought more.

the dressing was a simple whisk of some golden ligurian olive oil (also from buon italia) with a very good balsamic vinegar (di palo selects). it emulsified into a silken dressing that you won’t often see due to the caliber of these two wonderful ingredients that would make it cost prohibitive in most restaurants throughout the country - similar to the good wine you only get to drink at home…

nashville, late may - in a bowl - with cleveland bread on the side… (thanks again, heidi)

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every now and then a dish comes along that knocks me out. and i don’t even mean anything complicated. just a simple plate of food that satisfies you on some primal level - food that is almost soulful. like this ‘pasta. to. die. for’. it’s barely even cooking, yet it blows my mind every time i make it. and now, this pasta ceci. i mean, where have you been all my life? all those trips to italy - all those italian dinners and piles of books - somehow i’ve missed you. but now i know, and it’s all with thanks to rachel, an english woman living in rome who authors the beautiful blog, ‘rachel eats‘.

rarely do i ever cook things twice. perhaps mostly because my cooking tends to be experimental or often just a curiosity - or i don’t remember what i even did to ever redo it. but this pasta ceci? this will be made often. after all, we’re talking both pasta AND (rancho gordo) beans…

pasta ceci
from rachel eats

first and foremost, i doubled this recipe and i’m glad to have had the foresight to do so. i highly recommend doing this and freezing some. i used red onions, extra tomato paste and i used my chicken stock to supplement the liquid.

serves 4

250g dried chickpeas soaked overnight and then simmered for 2 hours until tender or 450g tinned chickpeas
6 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
medium carrot peeled and finely diced
stick of celery finely diced
mild onion peeled and finely diced
2 tbsp tomato concentrate
small sprig of rosemary
500ml vegetable or chicken stock or water the chickpeas were cooked in with more plain water added to make up the 500ml if necessary.
optional - 500ml extra water or stock for if you cook the pasta in the soup.
parmesan rind
salt and freshly ground black pepper
225g small dried tubular pasta
your nicest oil for on top

prepare your soffrito of finely chopped onion, carrot and celery, sauteing them gently and slowly in the oil in a large heavy based pan until soft and floppy and translucent.
then you add the tomato concentrate and a sprig of rosemary, stir, and then add 2/3 of your cooked chickpeas.
stir again and then cover everything with stock or water, throw in a parmesan rind. bring the pan to a happy boil, reduce to a simmer and then leave the pan to bubble away gently for about 20 minutes.
now remove the rind and rosemary and pass everything through the mouli or give it a blast with the hand blender to create a smooth gloopy soup.
now you add the rest of the cooked chickpeas and season to taste with salt and freshly ground black pepper.
now the two choices:
1. you can either add some more water or stock to the soup, bring it to the boil and cook your pasta directly in the soup
or
2. you can cook your pasta separately in some fast boiling salted water and then add it to the soup, then let things rest for about 5 minutes so the flavours mingle.

serve dribbled with more extra virgin olive oil and some freshly grated parmesan..

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everything i needed was already in my refrigerator, freezer and pantry except for the ditalini pasta which i could have substituted with any number of the other pastas that are currently shelved…

but i never said i was completely cured, now did i?

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or maybe it’s not a pesto. i’m really not quite sure as there’s no cheese or nuts in this first version although in the second dish, both of those are added in a non-classical way. but regardless, i came home one afternoon last week and once again decided to cook by what needed ‘to go’. a very large container of baby spinach was still looking good, but 8 days after purchase, needed to be used. so that was the basis for what then became 2 fabulous dinners.

i’m on a mission to make a dent in what currently exists in my kitchen, as i’m wondering if the over abundance of food is acting as a sort of psychological stronghold, protecting everything from my safety to my image. so it’s time to lighten the freezer load, use some of the pricey condiments i’ve collected - and take cues from my voluptuous pantry. it’s springtime after all… and there’s nothing like a good purge.

i just find this to be beyond gorgeous…

the day before, i’d taken all of 15 minutes out of my life to reorganize my sizable freezer. seriously, it took only a mere 15 minutes and it shed a lot of light on what we’ll be eating these coming weeks. but for this dish i grabbed the 1/3 of a bag of frozen peas, a little ziplock of my fresh breadcrumbs and the very last bit of chris’s guanciale.

from the fridge came basil leaves - also needing an immediate purpose, peeled garlic cloves (thank you bittman) and the expensive bottle of verjus that was bought 2 years ago and barely used. luckily, it keeps…

into the processor went the spinach, peas (still frozen) and garlic. i used some ligurian olive oil but tried to keep it light, drizzling in the verjus for both a brightness aspect and the needed liquid. salt and pepper were added, the breadcrumbs were folded in by hand and salted water was put on to boil.

i diced up the little piece of guanciale, threw it in a pan until it rendered its fat and browned slightly. the "pesto" was then added along with some pasta water to loosen. the pasta was cooked and drained. simple.

but can we talk about these noodles? because for those of you that missed it - you need to have a look here. in a blind taste test, new york magazine had three top italian chefs and one ‘eater’ judge 8 brands of spaghetti. trader joe’s pasta, the inexpensive underdog came in first among some pretty surprising contenders. the very close second is the brand that i mail order on a regular basis and is 8x the price. and now i think we all know what i’ll be buying from here on in. the pasta pictured above is tj’s and it was just excellent in every way. who knew?

and then there was this dish…

lesley came for dinner the next night. she’s one of those incorruptible vegetarians. no pork for lesley. so out came the little grape tomatoes i’d bought that day, pignoli’s from the freezer and what was left of some 2 week old fontina cheese. the pasta, lazzaroli’s red pepper linguine, had been in my freezer for easily 6 months (and still in excellent condition) and would fit in just perfectly. while the water heated, pignoli’s were thrown in a pan until they took on a bit of color, the spinach pesto base was added along with the tomatoes, now sliced in half. when the pasta was cooked i took some of the liquid and added that to the pan, the linguine went in and everything was tossed together. fontina was added and - dinner.

pesto, schmesto - whatever it was, it was all wonderful…

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because that’s what was in my pantry - and fridge - and freezer. friends were coming by on short notice and i needed to shop from my ever abundant kitchen. anything to appease some of the guilt from being perpetually overstocked and avoid a trip to the market. so although this was pretty much a throw together kind of dinner, there was a lot of to choose from. i try and do better in this regard, but i am a serial food buyer - forever curious.

it may soon be time for another month or so of "eating down the house". it could use happening…

but i had a box of beautiful saffron pasta that had been waiting patiently to be used, and some pinky orangey skinned snapper fillets that had been bought on a whim and thrown in the freezer nearly too long ago, plus the tail end of a bag of medium frozen shrimp bought for my sweet old kitty and used as treats. he’s been gone 4 months now and it was time to finish them up. pancetta is always a staple in my freezer, and i had an onion, some garlic, the remains of a still fresh bunch of parsley, a bottle of pinot grigio and a little glass vial of saffron that i’d been hanging on to…

there’s not much here in the way of a recipe. i could get specific but it’s really unnecessary and quite frankly, i couldn’t even begin to remember. feel free to use shallots instead of onions. for the pork - you can use chorizo, bacon or italian sausage instead of pancetta. or try some dry vermouth instead of white wine. add mussels, lobster, clams… it’s all going to work together - and it’s going to be delicious.

the onion gets cooked for a few minutes in olive oil, then add some diced pancetta, followed by a few minced garlic cloves. next the wine - i used about half a bottle, then add the saffron. throw the pasta into the water and add it into the pan when it’s just barely done - al dente to the max. i cooked the fish in a smoking hot cast iron skillet, crisping the skin really well. the shrimp were thrown in at some point but i can’t recall exactly when.

regarding the saffron, i used a full half gram of hand harvested d.o. from la mancha.. a big fat pinch. i’m a more is more kinda gal. and it was wonderful. and i’d do it again. and soon.

like many of you, this is the way i cook nearly all the time. i wing it. i change things. i substitute. i was inspired by a post i saw a few weeks back and it got me thinking.

and that’s really all it ever takes…

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so i was recently in nyc for a week. and then i came home to my daughter’s college graduation party. at my house. and i’m happy to report that i’m back on the bike, taking full advantage of springtime and all of its rain induced lushness. the honeysuckle is intoxicating… plus, there’s a 3 day cooking gig coming up next month that i’m preparing for. all this to say that i’ve been preoccupied. but i wanted to catch up and say hello and mostly - before i forget, fill you in on ”THE FOOD”, because there sure has been quite a lot of that. <— understatement.

i barely took any photos of anything. but i thought i’d list my itinerary - just so you could see what i’ve been up to - and the magnitude of food. because really, in retrospect? it’s amazing i didn’t keel over and die from caloric excess. well, i almost did once, but then i somehow made a splendid recovery at dinner the next night.

this was something along the lines of braised rabbit over farro risotto. scott conant - scarpetta.

but first and foremost, my beautiful and amazing daughter graduated on saturday from middle tennessee state university with a 3.94 - suma cum laude. and in case you need the translation, that’s latin for "with highest honors" and we are all beyond proud. lauren, you are awesome and i love you. (she reads my blog, unlike the rest of my family… not that i’m bitter.)

and at some point, i somehow managed to convince the talented, wonderful and sexy heidi robb (she’s one of those yoga chicks and it shows) to fly in and cook for us, and then chris was kind enough to come over and be heidi’s sous chef. without them i could never have pulled off this kind of dinner and be at the graduation and then come home and still get to wear a pretty blouse. so before i launch into the nyc trip, here was the menu for lauren’s graduation party:

small nibbles
rosemary marcona almonds - trader joe’s
some kind of buttery swirled puffed cheese sticks - whole foods
botija dried olives - raw guru
————–
2 pizzas
caramelized fennel with chris’s homemade pancetta
mozzarella, fontina, tomato sauce and fresh basil
———————–
pasta
penne w/ red onion, garlic and guanciale – batali recipe from molto italiano - page 186
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main dish and sides
chicken and italian sausage with sweet peppers, garlic and lemon
grilled asparagus with walnut crema - A16’s recipe
roasted little yukon potatoes with chives and lemon
sliced heirloom tomato salad
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dessert
tiramisu – heidi’s recipe - authentic and perfect
and…the now very famous chocolate chip cookies adapted from the one, the only - jaqcues torres by david leite

as you might expect, the food was just excellent and lauren could not have been happier with the day. she starts teaching 7th grade language arts this august.

ok - on to new york…

also from scarpetta - the most beautiful bread - a stromboli filled with fresh and smoked mozzarella, mild sopressata, tomato and basil

and to go with it - olive oil, caponata and mascarpone butter…

thursday - dinner with mom at ouest. tom valenti is a fine chef and a very lovely guy. it is said that he single handedly brought short ribs to the party. and that right there is a reason to worship him.

friday - hair appointment at warren tricomi at the plaza. dinner at del posto with amy, stephane and claire.

saturday - ‘reasons to be pretty‘, chelsea market with a serious shop through buon italia, dinner at scarpetta. thanks for a wonderful day, momma!

sunday, brunch at aquavit with nick. dinner at convivio* with michael.

monday - laid in bed until 2pm in a semi-food coma, then shopping with a purpose in soho. dinner at esca (amazing food) with robin and jim, marc, maggie and amy and jonny

tuesday - great exhibit at the met, and then dinner at otto with cooper

wednesday - a stroll through the guggenheim, lunch at centolire and a black and white cupcake from dean & deluca to cap it all off. which sucked. which was a crying shame…

and now, as peter would say, my linking finger is very broken.

but i’ll be back with more cooking of my own - and soon.

*convivio was incredible. hands down my favorite dinner of the trip. you must go… a huge thank you to chef michael white.

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bittman made this. and then i did too. and now you should. because it’s both fast and easy and well, quite perfect. besides the 4 ingredients in the title there’s only red chili flakes, olive oil and a bit of cheese on top - that’s it.

this is a humble dish. a weeknight dish. although it’s also a perfect primi for a bigger dinner. to be quite honest, this pasta opened for the pompano. but on a different day it would have been very respectable all on its own.

so yes, these are the kinds of dishes you need to know about. and really, any green will do. you could add some fresh oven roasted tomatoes, some grilled baby eggplant slices - or hey, use zucchini. because you know that’s coming in droves. you csa members out there? soon enough it will be Zucchini Forever. so you are very welcome in advance. because i know you. come august? you’ll be begging for a fresh take on a zucchini dish… so toasted garlic and fresh breadcrumbs are now IMPORTANT. because together they make nearly everything better.

a sharper close up because i thought you might be pining for a better look at this…

oh, and as you might imagine, the process is a total cinch. just get some well salted water to a rolling boil. in the meantime heat some olive oil in a pan and toast some sliced garlic until it’s a light brown. reserve off to the side. then do the same for your fresh breadcrumbs. and listen, there’ll be no panko or store bought crumbs allowed here, ok? just dice up some good leftover fresh bread or give it a quick whirl in the old fo-pro. bag and freeze. then use with abandon whenever…

the broccoli rabe goes into the boiling water first and after 3 or 4 minutes, it’s removed with tongs and placed in a bowl of very cold water. drain and roughly chop the greens and set aside. then the pasta goes into the water to cook. when it’s done, add the noodles to a very warm pan along with the greens. add the chili flakes to taste and then toss well with perhaps a bit more olive oil - only if needed. plate the pasta, adding the toasted breadcrumbs, then some of the garlic slices and a bit of cheese - parmigiano or pecorino. use whatever you have on hand. you don’t need much.

i love this kind of dish. every ingredient pops. and it’s just so basic - but somehow it’s also so damn good. so good that really, i could eat this over and over again, reincarnating it into something a bit different each time. or not.

you see that bowl right there? it’s my kind of food…

(bittman’s version with a video - i just love this guy)

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i was going for bluefish because robin raved about it, but there was none to be had. not in nashville. so instead, i came home with pompano. and now, i love this fish. it’s mild and firm - almost snapper-like. and it broils and grills beautifully, maintaining a flakey texture. so, see what happens when you’re open to all the universe has to offer? you get fresh, sustainable fish - and all good things.

and buddhist philosophy meets quantum physics? priceless…

whole foods had the whole fish on ice. and since it comes from the floridian gulf, not too far from here, well, it seemed the thing to do in light of the no bluefish scenario. the pompano, just in that day, was filleted for me on the spot, and i asked for the head and skeleton in a separate bag for a future fish fume.

this dish was found on caviar and codfish - and it drew me in. just a basic super hot broil with a compound butter. so, ok - compound butter. let’s talk about this…

actually, ruhlman gives us the quintessential and (as one has grown to expect from him) most eloquent rundown on compound butter right here. i strongly suggest that you have a look as it gives you insight to the classic options.

i ran with the combination that robin used because it sounded heavenly and i had everything i needed in my kitchen. so i left my butter (i use danish lurpak) out on the counter to soften, and then using a fork mixed in some finely diced parsley and minced garlic, meyer lemon zest, salt and pepper - and basil. the basil from my freezer. can i tell you about this? because i quite liked it.

i get a lot of requests to review products and books and i often refuse because i know the product is a bad match for me. but an email came from daregal asking me to try their frozen herbs and being that i’m not much for gardening or running to the market for one ingredient, as in basil for a compond butter - i was intrigued. so a box was shipped overnight and in it came about 8 containers of both individual frozen herbs (basil, cilantro, parsley, dill, oregano) and a few of their blends. when you shake the containers you can hear that everything is loose, not frozen together in a cube like the trader joe’s herbs that you may have seen. you just open the top and shake out what you need. daregal says that all their herbs are processed within 3 hours of being harvested. so they’re picked, washed, chopped, misted lightly with a vegetable oil to prevent sticking and then flash frozen. they are supposed to last for up to 3 years in your freezer. strangely, both a scary and a handy thought.

anyway, i’ve got my 8 containers lined up in a row in the door of my freezer and i’ll be using them here and there, and then i’ll be reporting back. you can count on me. yes you can. but only because I CARE.

but first and foremost, i can assure you that the flavor was all there. obviously this isn’t a substitute for the fresh basil leaves on a caprese sandwich - but it was perfect for this application. bottom line is dried basil is a joke. probably the biggest rip-off in the food world along with dried parsley. but this product actually retains it’s basillyness. (basillyness?)

i set my oven to a high broil and moved the shelf up close to the element. then i heated a cast iron skillet on my stove until it was smoking hot. into that went some of the compound butter and then the well dried fish, skin side down with more butter set on top - and then under the broiler for a few minutes - then out to baste and check for doneness, and then back under just briefly. in the meantime, some salted water had been boiled and green beans thrown in. those took about 4 minutes to decrisp and become tender and everything was ready at the same time.

i’ll be broiling fish a lot more now. i’ve been won over. it was absolutely perfect.

same dish, much less butter. as in, my plate.

still good. not as. oh well.

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it all began around a little jar of this…

mostarda mediterranean - from dario cecchini the eccentric tuscan butcher from panzano.

did you read ‘heat‘? god, i loved that book. bill buford writes about the years that he left his job as fiction editor at ‘new yorker magazine’ and worked unpaid in the kitchen of batali’s acclaimed babbo ristorante, and then, with both affection and a rhetorical shoulder shrug, introduces us to dario, a dante-quoting, opera singing character from the chianti region of tuscany. cecchini appears to be a one-of-a-kind, to say the very least, and his macellaria has now become a tourist attraction where countless foodies make the pilgrimage to hopefully catch a glimpse of this etruscan figure performing entire cantos from the inferno before his carnivorous audience.

and i suppose because even a butcher has to eat, dario cecchini is now offering some of his goods right here in the states. and me, being susceptible to such things was quick to grab a jar of this mostarda as soon as i laid my eyes upon it. $30. if only for the story…

and then over dinner one evening with my friend laura, a local chef here in town, i was telling her about my recent mostarda acquisition. and so we decided to do a dinner. a steak dinner as dario would have wanted. as tempted as i was to buy the grass fed lobel’s steaks because they have in the past blown my mind, the price is overly exorbitant. so i researched and clicked my way to heritage foods usa where i was able to come up with something a bit more apropo…

"Piedmontese cattle originated in the foothills of northwestern Italy and are thought to be a mix of the Auroch and Zebu cattle crossed over 25,000 years ago. We are especially fond of this breed, because Piedmont is also home to the Slow Food movement in Bra, Italy. Today, in the United States, a network of family farmers is raising the cattle on a pure vegetarian feed without the use of antibiotics and without added growth hormones.

Piedmontese is unique in that it contains myostatin, known as the "double muscle gene." Myostatin is only found in Piedmontese cattle and results in a natural tenderness. Though the beef is naturally lean, the flavor is rich and intense.

i tell you, i amaze myself sometimes. in keeping with the whole spirit of dario’s mostarda, i’d managed to find the perfect beef for it to accompany. and unlike lobel’s, it was palitably priced - and well, this was going to be fun.

i sent laura the link to "the jar" so she could see specifically what i was talking about and her response succinctly read, "dude, it’s pepper jelly". and really, that it was. except not nearly as hot as was promised. this "elixir’, as it was referrred to, rated pretty mild on the heat scale. but nevertheless, it was quite nice. and the steaks? well, they were ok. nothing special. i think dario would have blown a gasket had he tried them. the word is that he takes his meat very, very seriously.

oh, and did i mention the beautiful ramps that were foraged in ohio and then sent to my door? they were grilled with salt, pepper and olive oil. or what about the artichoke hearts, painstakingly cut, peeled and choked, then braised in olive oil, lemon, shallots, coriander and fennel seeds - all because of a dish i saw over at smitten kitchen a few weeks ago? did i tell you about those? no? i’m so sorry, because they were very good.

and there was much more. it was even perhaps a bit over the top. there were pizzas flying out of my oven and pig liver pate wrapped in homecured bacon and the most incredible homemade blood sausage… and then there was the grilled watermelon dripping with balsamic vinegar (all of the aforementioned from chris) and laura showed up with orange fennel meringues that were truly perfection, along with a dreamy panna cotta. and i think i’m forgetting a few things, but well, it’s been a little while…

there were 9 of us huddled around my kitchen banquette that evening. i have a pretty good size dining room with a table that seats 10 easily, but no one ever left the kitchen.

for the record, earlier that very same day, i had a late brunch at my house and made a perfect carbonara for 3 friend - with guanciale, farm fresh eggs, pecorino, grana padano, and finely chopped ramps.

beginning monday, the following morning i literally drank nothing but tea with lemon and agave, along with one protein shake a day - for 5 days straight.

true story.

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in less than three weeks i take off for nyc for the tri-annual mommy visit, haircut and restaurant go around. therefore all socializing over food has now come to a screeching halt and my already compromised caloric intake needs to come down even further in preparation for what inevitably becomes quite the food-centric getaway. until then i am TRYING VERY HARD to figure out a way to order light and not feel the need to eat everything. or drink too much wine. and still have dessert. but not over do it.

in other words i am going to attempt to not be me.
wish me luck with that…

but the other night, overall, i thought i did quite well. there were 6 of us for dinner and i was in my kitchen and in control of the menu. beforehand i had boldly told my friends. no nibbles or appetizers, no salad - or dessert. i’m serving one thing. and a loaf of crusty bread, which for the record i personally abstained from - as well as the impressive wines that my friends brought over, because i am not only disciplined and strong (albeit in small spurts), but obviously also a masochist.

under these circumstances, i knew whatever i made had to be pretty striking. i also knew i was going to do a seafood dish but couldn’t face the selection at nashville’s ‘whole foods’. i considered a few cioppino recipes and even glanced at julia’s bouillabaisse. but then i wandered over to suzanne goin’s ‘sunday suppers at lucques‘ and i spotted "the dish". page 268-9. mussels and clams with vermouth, cannellini beans and cavolo nero. reading through it, i was captivated by the ingredient list. this was so very my kind of food. for those of you that haven’t been paying attention, i gravitate towards simple italian food, stressing the quality of the ingredients - ad nauseam.

i called d’artagnen to ask who they considered to be their seafood equivalent and they reminded me of browne trading. the way i see that is: if it’s good enough for eric ripert and daniel boulud, then i’m in. so i ordered my fish from them, which turned out to be a good move on my part. after speaking to nick for awhile about what was freshest and best, that’s about when i i decided to veer from the recipe, if only by upping the seafood ante. goin called for using clams and mussels, and to that i added 3 small lobsters, scallops, haddock and the last of the wonderful maine sweet shrimp, which was to be used as a garnish due to its inability to take much heat. i also doubled the recipe. because you just can’t have too much of a good thing…

and that, dear readers? is the very philosophy that gets me into trouble…

the largest serving vessel in my home is my 16" wok. i rarely use it because, well, it’s just huge. but this was the perfect thing for this dish and i was grateful that i had it around.

everything was piled into the wok which filled it to the brim - and somehow our italian seafood dinner looked quite at home, all nestled in the unfamiliar asian skillet. i wish i’d been more ‘on it’ with my photo’s, but once that seafood was ready to rock and roll, i had other things on my mind. so cary, being the good boyfriend, grabbed the camera and took some shots.

the recipe is both straight forward and detailed  - a testament to goin’s book which leaves very little room for any error with a lot of very helpful techniques and explanations… go and buy this book. seriously. it’s a great one…

the beans were of course from rancho gordo. they were soaked for a few hours, although goin throws hers in dry. the bean component was made the night before and i’ve got to tell you, it is beyond truly outstanding.

here’s how it works: toast 2 teaspoons of fennel seeds until brown and then pound them roughly in a mortar. in a medium pot heat 1/4 cup of olive oil and when hot, add to that a sprig of rosemary and a crumbled chili de arbol. sizzle for a minute and then add the fennel seed and a cup or so of diced onion along with a tablespoon of thyme leaves. sauté until the onion is wilted. add the beans and coat them for about a minute and then add water to 3" above the beans. bring to a boil and the reduce heat. place a paper towel over the beans to keep them submerged and add 2 teaspoons kosher salt after about 30 minutes (mine took longer to soften) and then cook adding water as necessary. you want to have a good amount of bean liquid that is starchy and rich. because this is THE STUFF that makes the final dish sing. there’s no fish stock used in this recipe.

and even if you don’t make this dish then just make these beans. and serve them with roast chicken. or with a poached egg and broccoli rabe. the beans themselves will knock you over. you will make them and then you will love me because i will have opened your eyes to greatness. they way i see it, it’s the very least i could do...

i also must tell you that these little sweet maine shrimp are very delicious little suckers, but you have to treat them with the utmost respect. too much heat and they turn to a mealy mush. after the dish was done and off the heat, these were placed on top of the rest of the shellfish and the residual warmth was all that was needed.

a perfect 1990 barbera sits beside a grassy tuscan olive oil. one bowl to eat from, and another for the shells…

a precarious balance - a profoundly visual metaphor for life…

the kale gets blanched in salted water and wrung out and cut into ribbons. olive oil goes into a (wide not tall) hot pot followed by diced red onion, a bulb of chopped fennel, tons of sliced garlic, chiles, rosemary, thyme and salt and pepper. then the greens for about 10 minutes until they break down - and then the beans along with the liquid. after a few minutes add the clams and then a couple of minutes later the vermouth and then the mussels. let it all steam until the shells open and then stir in a few tablespoons of butter. i forgot to taste for seasoning but i lucked out. it was just right.

when i make this again, and i will, i think i’ll keep it less busy. the lobster was wonderful but extraneous, the haddock got knocked around by the shells and shredded - making for a heartier broth, but really in the end was unnecessary. the browne trading’s scallops were fresh and phenomenal, as was all the seafood. they’d be a do-over for sure, if only because cary loves them best.

goin’s ’sunday suppers’ is a seasonal book - from market to table. this recipe was listed for fall, which although we’re completely faced in the other direction, it still felt right on a cool and rainy friday evening. we talked, they drank, and we laughed our asses off for 4 hours. everyone chipped in on the seafood tab which eased the $ load and we couldn’t have had a better seafood dinner anywhere in nashville.

and i’ll venture to guess that no one missed dessert in the least…

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dear gina,

i’m so sorry. really i am. and even worse, i am terribly ashamed. you see, about two weeks ago i ran across this beautiful recipe for your torta di mandorla and decided to bake one for my guy. it was a late sunday morning, i had all the ingredients in the house - as well as a 13 year old sous chef just itching to crack an egg.

i did everything right. or so i thought. and then when it was out of the oven, all cooled and glazed, i took one bite and i knew i’d made a mistake. a big one. it was just, well - it was off. but what could it have been? where did i go wrong? i thought i was ON IT. i mean afterall, it’s a simple recipe. and then, after about 20 minutes i realized the error i’d made. and sadly, it was an unforgiving error. i used baking soda instead of baking powder.

not much more i need to say here as i’m sure you’re quite aware of the consequences. so allow me to say again, i’m so sorry to have defiled what could have been and should have been, your wonderful cake.

respectfully yours,

claudia young
www.cookeatFRET.com

ps. my boyfriend ate the entire thing.

torta di mandorla
from gina depalma - pastry chef at babbo via serious eats

*ceFRET’s note - i’m really fond of the meyenberg goat butter and decided to use it for the glaze to lend a slightly different note. the butter is browned, so perhaps you can imagine how spectacular this was. the glaze turned out beyond stellar. but indeed, i ruined the cake itself. even if cary didn’t seem to notice…

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup blanched or natural almond flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
3 large eggs
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon pure almond extract
grated zest of 1 medium lemon or 1/4 a medium orange
1/2 cup orange juice

for the glaze:
2 tablespoons unsalted butter (the goat butter makes for a lovely and subtle flavor)
1 cup confectioner’s sugar
3 tablespoons whole milk
a few drops of fresh lemon juice
1/2 cup sliced, blanched almonds, toasted and cooled

preheat the oven to 350°F. grease and flour a 9-inch round cake pan or springform pan and set aside.

in a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, almond flour, baking powder and salt to thoroughly combine them and set aside.

crack the eggs into a large mixing bowl and whisk them lightly to break up the yolks. add the sugar to the bowl and whisk it in thoroughly in both directions for about 30 seconds. add the olive oil and whisk until the mixture is a bit lighter in color and has thickened slightly, about 45 seconds. whisk in the extracts and zest, followed by the orange juice.

add the dry ingredients to the bowl and whisk until they are thoroughly combined; continue whisking until you have a smooth, emulsified batter, about 30 more seconds.

pour the batter into the prepared pan, and bake the cake for 30 to 45 minutes, rotating the cake pan halfway through the cooking time to ensure even browning. the cake is done when it has begun to pull away from the sides of the pan, springs back lightly when touched, and a cake tester inserted in the center comes out clean.

allow the cake to cool for ten minutes in the pan, then gently remove it from the pan and allow it cool completely on a rack.

while the cake cools, make the glaze. melt the butter over medium heat in a small, heavy saucepan. when the bubbles subside, lower the heat and watch the butter carefully, swirling it in the pan occasionally to distribute the heat. when the butter begins to turn a light tan color and smells slightly nutty, turn off the heat and let the butter sit. it will continue to darken as it sits.

while the butter cools, sift the confectioner’s sugar into a medium bowl. whisk in the milk until completely smooth but thick, then slowly whisk in the butter. taste the glaze and add a few drops of lemon juice to balance the sweetness. stir in the toasted almonds. spread the almonds and glaze onto the top and sides of the cake and let it sit until set and dry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the moral of this blog post is - when baking, one slight miscalculation, one small slip up - and you’re done. finished. over.

baking can be a cruel mistress.

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back in the days of no car and a 12 lb puppy (also known as early march ‘09), i was home watching martha stewart. which honestly, i hardly ever do. but let’s face it, she gets the best guests. chef after chef they make the pilgrimage to the martha from a wide array of great restaurants, shooting the breeze with the quintessential homemaker - who is perhaps the worst interviewer/conversationalist on tv - while they cook up rather remarkable food. and i am here to tell you, it can totally draw you into the martha vortex. you, meaning me. or us - if you’d like to join in.

anyway i was younger then - and it was raining. and on that day the shows theme was ‘atlanta’, which although only a 4 hour drive from nashville, is one i rarely take. but i hear the atlanta restaurant scene is damn fine, which then naturally conjures up all kinds of longing. envy. gluttonous thoughts. you name a deadly sin and i’ve conjured it.

so, the chef from ‘repast‘ was on martha, doing an interesting version of crab cakes. and i just happened to have a pound of jumbo lump meat sitting in my refrigerator along with nearly every other ingredient - except the lemongrass and the raw shrimp which were easy purchases.

mostly easy because chris picked them up on his way over. i literally willed the ingredients to my door.

cooking with chris is truly wonderful because for the most part he does everything. and i like that in a sous chef. plus he’s way better with a knife than i will ever be. and he also cleans up really nicely. and i mean - my kitchen.

crab cakes tend to be bound with varying amounts of breadcrumbs and i loved the fact that these are held together with a shrimp mousse. but what initially sparked my interest was quite simply that the overall ingredient list screams huge flavor burst. and i am nothing if not a fan of the flavor burst. actually perhaps i am a slave to the flavor burst.  i’ll need to contemplate which of those rings more true and i’ll be sure to report back.

1 cup heavy cream (i used half and half)
1-inch piece lemongrass, crushed
1-inch piece ginger, crushed
1 star anise
1 dried birdseye chile, crushed
2 tablespoons fish sauce
1 tablespoon Tabasco
1 1/2 teaspoons sesame oil
1 1/2 teaspoons olive oil
3 scallions, trimmed and thinly sliced
1 pound fresh medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 large egg
1 pound jumbo lump crab meat, picked
zest of 2 lemons
1 cup cornmeal
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 tablespoon canola oil

come on… does that not sound just lovely? but listen, i had to lean it down a bit by making a different dairy decision. half and half is about as much fat as i can bear. i think using cream would be the way to go if only i lived in an alternate universe and wanted that fattier mouthfeel - but not for me. not that day. maybe not ever. although it could happen. tomorrow. because the flesh, it is weak in the face of fat grams…

so then:

place cream, lemongrass, ginger, star anise, and chile in a small saucepan and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. remove from heat and let cool; strain, discarding solids. stir in fish sauce and tabasco; set aside.

heat sesame oil and olive oil in a small skillet over medium heat. add scallions and cook until soft, 1 to 2 minutes. remove from heat; let cool.

place shrimp and egg in the bowl of a food processor and process until smooth. with the machine running, slowly add cream mixture; process until well combined.
In a large bowl, mix together crabmeat, lemon zest, and cooled scallions. gently fold in shrimp mixture.

line a baking sheet with parchment paper (i used a silpat) and sprinkle with cornmeal. place a 1-inch high round cutter about 2 1/2-inches in diameter on baking sheet. fill cutter with crabmeat mixture, packing down slightly. repeat process until all crabmeat has been used, about 8 times. transfer to refrigerator to chill, 6 to 8 hours.

preheat oven to 350 degrees. heat butter and canola oil in a large ovenproof skillet over medium high heat. place crab cakes, cornmeal-side down in skillet and cook until golden, about 2 minutes. turn crab cakes and transfer skillet to oven (i never did this) until cornmeal side is golden and crisp, about 5 minutes. serve immediately with butter sauce.

and we’re talking yuzu caper butter sauce. ok, so i am down with a little butter sauce. afterall, it’s just a. little. butter sauce. but no. chef joe truex’s recipe is using well over a pound of butter for 4 people. after using a cup of heavy cream in the cakes. sorry chef. no can do. so we improvised and used about 1/3 of that, cut into some yuzu juice, capers and shallots. and it was more than plenty. crazy freakin’ chefs… they are trying to kill us. i swear… so unnecessary.

all in all it was a good dish although i’m not running to make it again. the shrimp mousse was a fine idea and good for future reference. it would translate well to any number of seafood related cakes or stuffings. i suppose my biggest issue was that i didn’t pick up much of the spice infusion flavoring in the finished product, and that was somewhat disappointing. so next time i’d hit it a bit harder to get the flavors more pronounced.

but it was different. and interesting. and it brought me and martha closer together and quite frankly, we needed that.

and well, chris cleaned up so very nicely. it was almost like it never happened…

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the flan was created due to sheer necessity. i had read a post over at ‘the pie lady’ and could NOT get it off my mind. like at all. like i really tried. yet it haunted me. even taunted me, until i could no longer resist the urge. but brittany’s recipe called for the wonderful and bitter seville oranges - and in nashville, that’s a tall order. but i did find a really good looking bag of organic tangelos and well, that was going to have to do.

flan is one of my favorite things. really, it’s just my obsession with all things custardy. but at least flan is just milk, sugar and eggs. there’s no cream or butter to feel all that awful guilt about. yet let me be the one to tell you that these babies still weighed in at about 500 calories a piece, easy. but in their defense, they were pretty big and therefore perfect for sharing. which is what i did. i shared. all 5 of them. yes, i got to share 5 WHOLE TIMES in just 48 hours. doesn’t that show my willingness to be abundantly generous? i freakin’ shared my flan in the name of kindness and calories. 5x. please don’t do the math. i am well aware…

so there were tons of eggs and yolks and milk and sugar and 2 vanilla beans along with the grated rind of my tangelos. and i followed the recipe and well, talk about FRETting. i was getting nervous because i couldn’t get the flan to set. so i switched to convection, upped the heat a bit and within no time flat - they were dreamy.

that right there? 2500 calories. not including the tangelos. and then? divide by 2. because i shared.

i am telling you… so damn good…

but you’re probably wondering why i bruleed my flan. which really, is a very fair thing to wonder… and honestly, it just happened. it wasn’t planned or well thought out. no dear readers, it was off the cuff and original - even spontaneous. and perhaps i also veered partially because although brittany’s flan was my inspiration for this delightful confection - i didn’t want to totally rip off a professional pastry chef who could then turn around and sue me.

unlikely? i’d say so… BUT STILL.

when the flans were unmolded there was still a fair amount of hardened caramel in the ramekins. so i popped that in the microwave for about 40 seconds until it became a viscous molten substance and quickly poured it over the flan. hot sugar really is a wonder.

and i kinda felt like i was onto something…

(grace - totally not FRETing…)

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i eat a lot of beans. i didn’t used to. but rancho gordo changed all that. i know, you’ve heard it before. but RG has radically altered my personal food pyramid and now, well - i eat a lot of beans…

so in the past two weeks, i’ve made three big pots of very different bean stews and all of them were quite good. but being that this is my every day kind of food, i don’t always write about such lunches and dinners. but there i was, home with no car and a new puppy - and so i took a few shots anyway - and now i’ve decided that as a trio it all makes for a solid post. and so i present to you a virtual hill of beans…

but - being that my memory is only so acute, i may have forgotten a thing or two about the first dish. and in all fairness, that one isn’t even a bean dish. it’s lentils and orzo. and i am not lying when i tell you that i’ve no earthly idea what went into that one. except the green lentils and the last of a container of whole wheat orzo. and carrots and onions. oh, and chicken stock. and i vaguely remember a healthy dose of my sicilian oregano going in there… but ok, really. now i am clueless. except to say that it was damn good food and even better with an egg on top.

oh dear, i just remembered this one too…

these were some leftover christmas lima beans from something or another, way back when, and this was lunch one of those days and it was just so pretty i couldn’t resist taking a picture. a typical lunch in the life of claudia young. now you have it. more beans. and arugula, which i love almost as much as i love beans, if not more. depending when you might ask…

bean dish #2 was actually really fun to make. i had no idea what i was going for, and i just kind of let each ingredient added determine the next in line. at one point i realized i’d better write down what i was doing - and it looked a little bit like this:

brown tepiary beans
whole garlic cloves
celery
carrots
bay leaves
chopped shallots
lots of fresh thyme
a heaping spoonful of pimenton
a can of san marzano tomatoes
collard greens
white rice
crushed chili pepper
one fat anchovy
a lot of balsamic vinegar
3 cups of brown veal stock

all served up in a bowl with a healthy pour of some wonderful grassy green olive oil floating on top. and of course, the obligatory fried egg…

somehow there’s no picture except for this, the final addition of the veal stock, which i kind of got a kick out of. being that it was an afterthought, i grabbed some of my stock from the freezer, peeled off the bag and stuck it into the middle of the pot like a meaty popsicle.

and then lastly, i had soaked some calypso beans and had a few sweet potatoes laying around so i decided to get crazy, veer from the italian and go all carribean. which was an interesting study being that i know nothing about that genre of cooking. BUT by god, i’m a googling fool and after punching in "carribean bean and sweet potato stew", my next ingredients were:

cinnamon
thyme
bay leaves
chopped onion
chopped celery
frozen spinach
allspice
chili flakes
AND (just because)
this very italian mugolio pine syrup - i could have used brown sugar but i had this and well, on a whim in it went. i had recently bought it, tried it and was a little unsure of how i would ever use it. i love market hall foods but this particular product didn’t have quite the kick i had hoped for. in all fairness it’s just as they describe - a honey like syrup with pine overtones. whereas i was thinking more pine in the forefront.

served over a nutty brown rive, everyone really loved this. it was unlike what i usually do - which was a nice change.

i suppose the beauty of this food is that it is supremely healthy and i always use whatever is in my cupboard and the draws of my fridge. i never go to the market to shop for my next pot of beans. they just become whatever they were meant to be on that day.

oh, and did i mention the cannellini’s that are soaking in my kitchen right now?

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the literal translation of bagna cauda means warm bath. but in my world bagna cauda is a truly delectable warm and sexy mixture of anchovy, garlic, butter and olive oil in which to dip vegetables, bread and really whatever else you deem appropriate. because dear readers, i am not here to judge you and you certainly don’t need to report back to me…. but just so you know, i personally settled upon baking more of the wine infused batali pizza dough, this batch completely unadorned and fortified with a cup of ‘white whole wheat’ flour, along with simply grilled tiger shrimp, raw celery stalks, chunks of red and yellow bell peppers, radicchio and endive. sadly, there were no cardoons in sight. had there been i would’ve been even happier than i already was - if that could have been possible.

i finally bought a can of "real" anchovies, unlike that unrealized inferior product that comes in little tins and jars. this is the industrial sized can from italy. the kind that real chefs use. because although i am a hack, i still want my food to be as good as i can make it. and since i’m only willing to go so far, i wind up relying heavily on the best ingredients i can get my hands on. you can pretty much fool all of the people all of the time with this method of cooking. take that, abe.

so let’s talk about this whole anchovy business, shall we?

this is a very large and empty can that once housed a school of sicilian anchovies weighing in at one kilo.

i forgot to take a shot of the full can, if only so i could show you the salt packed anchovies all neatly crisscrossed in rows. i only used about 8 of the little fish and the rest quickly went into a container and were covered with olive oil to keep them relatively oxygen free and ready for action at my beck and call - for the next 2 years - which is about how long it’ll take me to go through them. AND by the way you have to chop off the tails and remove their guts and backbone. i was not aware of this prior to my $28 purchase. but if i had it all to do over again, i’d snap up a can of this fishy goodness in a ny minute. they are barely comparable to what i’ve used in the past…. and if mario were god, and if god were in heaven - he’d be smiling down at me. as it stands now he has no real idea that i exist which - funny enough, is how i feel about god…

but i digress…

so i made the bread. and then i made the bagna cauda. after that i chopped up the peppers and grilled the shrimp. the spread got laid out on my table along with the lettuces and a damn fine bottle of barbera (2006 agostino pavia & figli barbera d’asti ‘blina’) that at $16 just thrilled me. and it was uncorked. and then we ate. and it perhaps wasn’t a gorgeous spread, inappropriate for even a novice photo shoot such as this - but it was incredibly good to eat. of this much i can assure you.

naturally, the calories were relatively high but i had eaten sparsely (again) that day, and once again reigning it way back the next. but it felt like clean food. i felt really good after i ate. and after weighing myself yesterday i’m down about 11 lbs in 6 weeks… so in 4 months i should be me again. and i will have done it without torturing myself. torture is bad. when it comes to myself i have a total no torture policy, though i make no guarantees what i am capable of doing to you.

and back by popular demand: grace, the amazing growing puppy - at 14 weeks.

(she’s all mine and you can’t have her…)

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so let’s talk pizza.

in the usual fashion of me watching the calories, i starved myself all day - and then began making mario batali’s pizza dough recipe. or at least the one from ‘03 that i found over at food & wine. and in keeping with the magazine/website concept, the dough actually had wine as an ingredient (mario you sly fox you) - and i quite liked that idea. because i like a pizza dough with character - as in flavor and i’ve not been having the best luck finding the dough of my dreams.

mario not only uses wine in his dough, but also chooses to use cake yeast which i converted to 18 grams of active dry yeast using my trusty yeast calculator. as called for, i used mostly 00 flour, the perfect flour for pizza making insuring a crisp crust and a soft crumb. but it’s a very soft flour, making it hard to manuever the dough, so a bit of all purpose gets added - if only for insurance. judging from the above photo, the 1:6 ratio was not enough… at least for me. next time i’ll add a bit more ap flour. the pie got mangled upon being placed onto the 550 degree pizza stone. but hey, looks aren’t everything…

really the story goes something like this. chris was coming over with some of his home-cured venison prosciutto and i had one fennel bulb and a big bunch of shitakes in my fridge. for some reason i felt unsure of the vegetable combo so i called my friend laura wilson, formerly the chef at ombi restaurant and she said - pizza. and i thought to myself, why did i not think to make pizza? and then i realized it’s just that well, i don’t think of so many things…

i caramelized the fennel and shitakes in some olive oil along with about half a dozen roughly chopped garlic cloves, then chris showed up with the prosciutto (check out his december 2 post about the doe that he butchered) which got sliced and added to the top. the pie was then hit with a generous amount of fresh thyme and at the last moment i thought EGG and well, maybe i do think of things sometimes…..

sadly, the pie got folded onto itself which affected nothing but my pride. and the yoke broke too but you know, it was all really just so much more than good.

did i mention that the prosciutto was AMAZING? the smell alone was absolutely intoxicating.

meat + salt + patience = delicious. my kind of math.

a wonderful cheeseless pizza. it can be done.

just simply fabulous stuff…

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yes, cicerchie. i know. you’ve probably never heard of it. well perhaps you have. but it was certainly new to me. a google search tells me that it dates back from roman times and was a common dish of peasants.. luckily i came across a package of these and now i am thinking that they’re perhaps my most favorite pulse ever. it’s like a wild garbanzo did it with an ear of corn - or something. maybe the field pea was involved too. i really don’t know, i wasn’t there. but this humble bean is absolutely wonderful - and ridiculously hard to come by.

in umbria a hunk of pig fat is traditionally used to prepare this dish. but i resisted using instead my best umbrian olive oil. i’m an avid fan of umbria. on my last trip to italy i spent a lot of time in assisi and orvieto and montefalco and spello… hill town after hill town, we spent time exploring - and eating. and i grew to love the region that is often overlooked by tourists in favor of the more popular tuscany. but the food in umbria really is spectacular and the olive oil, which many consider to be better than what you might find in tuscany, is comparably scarce in this country.

while on the subject of perhaps the one ingredient that i could not live without, one of my favorite olive oils comes from liguria. it’s smoother, if not gentler and more luxurious than the bold tuscans. if it were an actor it might win best supporting role. ligurian olive oil allows the other flavors of the food to shine through with just enough of the rich olive flavor to remind you just who it is…oh but that’s another post. - and most likely it will involve pesto…

i soaked the cicerchie overnight and gently boiled them for about 40 minutes with 4 fat garlic cloves, adding some salt at the end. i chopped and steamed some swiss chard, sliced some grape tomatoes, despriged some thyme and tossed it all together with salt and pepper. i wanted it to remain simple. i wanted to really get to know this bean. ok, is that weird? maybe it’s weird.

but if you really want to hear something weird, get this:

so i’m reading the ny times last sunday morning and in the style section the cover story is about gwyneth paltrow and her lifestyle website called goop (tag line = nourish the inner aspect = hee). as one might expect there are lovers and there are haters and well, i’m pretty much switzerland. whatever gwynne does is fine with me. i like her and i have decided to not hold a grudge against her, bittman or mario regarding the debacle "on the road again". i have let go of my disgust because i am trying to be more like ‘the buddha’. but anyway here’s what i read… mario, yes, our mario batali, gwynne’s bff, at the very end of this lengthy article, comments about her cooking saying "she has a great sense of proportion, which gives her food a natural balance."

and then the coffee squirted out my nose…

dear readers? is it me?

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as i’ve been going on and on about - ad nauseam, i’m 5 weeks into a pretty serious diet shift. but in the name of sanity and well, umm, cosmc fairness i felt the need to make my own pasta. so the other day i ate lightly, preparing for a higher calorie dinner - and then yesterday i really watched the calories, keeping my average daily intake to where it needed to be. was i hungry? a little. did i live? well, here i am to tell the tale…

my daughter is 27. and although we met when she was already 12, i made it a point to raise her on very good quality food. i baked all our bread, made all our pizzas, cookies, cakes - and shopped almost exclusively at the local health food market. it mattered to me that she would grow up knowing the difference between what i considered to be good food - and what was readily available to a teenager in nashville. so these days, when she shows up at the house i love nothing more than to cook her the food she craves, dishes she’d never make for herself. also now that there’s a 6 year old in tow, i really enjoy having the opportunity to turn my sweet boy on to new taste sensations and hear him exclaim "wow, grand claud - i really like this!".

but i’ve been being careful. oh so painfully careful. making the right choices. keeping it lean. counting. weighing. doing the weight loss math. but here’s the deal. because we all have our limits, right? diet or no diet. there will be pasta. and the only thing better than pasta is homemade pasta. and my girl is a pasta fiend. really she’s a fool for gnocchi… and i need to get on that. but pasta always makes her very happy which in turn satisfies me to no end. see? pasta. it’s the quintessential win/win. of this i am quite sure.

the italian dish had written about a batali pasta that she’d made not long ago, and after lusting after it i filed it away in my non existent memory and promptly forgot all about it. but a few days ago when flipping through the ‘babbo cookbook’ for ideas, my eyes fell upon a recipe that immediately appealed to me and also seemed vaguely familiar. sure enough it was that very same one. destiny at play, no doubt. so i caught a ride to the market (still carless) and bought parsnips. i also managed to lay my hands on some marigold yolked farm fresh eggs and i defrosted the hunk of pancetta that tom from lazzaroli’s had sold me a few months back.

the recipe called for black pepper pasta and with all my pasta making to date, i’ve yet to add in anything to the flour besides some eggs and a touch of oil and water. i used mostly 00 flour and added about 20% semolina bringing it to about 4 cups of flour total. this batch took 4 eggs, 2 yolks, about a teaspoon or so of olive oil and maybe 2 tablespoons of water. i barely measured anything and well, it came out wonderfully. the miracle of pasta making never ceases to amaze me. the next time i will be sure and grind the pepper finer as i noticed the pasta tore in a few places from the bigger pieces of peppercorn dragging through the roller. while the pasta strips dried out a bit, i decided instead of making fettuccine with my cutters, i’d just roughly cut the pasta into thick rectangular strips. i’ve no idea the exact name for this shape but it’s like a maltagliati.

the pancetta gets browned and then removed from the pan. in goes about one tablespoon of butter and two of olive oil. the 4 parsnips were peeled and chopped into coins and browned until crisp, next went the leeks. i used 3, sliced into quarters and when wilted and a bit caramelized, i added some salt, deglazed the pan with an italian red and in went chopped parsley and the pancetta. the pasta was drained and added to the pan along with about 1/4 cup of the pasta water. finito. serve with grated parmegiano.

the red wine was kind of a no-brainer. i can’t imagine mario not wanting you to deglaze that pan - but well, he didn’t mention it and i just had to. after all, i had just fried a BACONlike substance in that pan which is a rarity around here so there was no way i wasn’t going to get all that flavor back. really mario. wtf?

and the leeks were an afterthought. i had bought them for no particular reason and when grabbing the parsnips from the refrigerator, i thought it all made sense. and for those of you suspicious about parsnips (and yes, lauren - i am looking at you, honey) it’s high time you saw this vegetable as versatile. it’s delicious. and nutritious. any other applicable words ending in -cious, please let me know.

but hey… dear readers, i just needed to bring attention to my batali guilt. after all, i defiled his recipe. certain chefs have no real impact on me. i’ll substitute. i’ll mess with the best. but mario is brilliant. mario is in my top five. and i overrode his good judgment without any second thought,

my god. what have i become?

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and they’re completely unrelated. but i thought i’d give you two for the price of one. because i believe that you deserve two - if only because i am the slacker of all food bloggers and have miserably fallen down on my posting. and because neither dish photographed all that well. and perhaps mostly because time somehow disappears and i’ve no idea where it goes…

today is a completely lovely day in middle tennessee and well, i sold my car by accident and the new one’s not here yet (or even close) so i am housebound with the ‘amazing growing puppy’ and two pissed off cats. meaning, i need to write, if only as a diversion to my current state of affairs. and ummm, if any one wants to come to my house and take me shopping, that would be super.

so anyway, these are for you and really, they were both excellent.

below we have my adaptation of a gordon ramsey recipe from his book ‘healthy appetite’ which i dearly love due to the fact that the recipes are interesting AND light. so even if his own personal goose is getting cooked right now, i’m still a fan. he is without a doubt a great chef. but gordon? perhaps you shoulda killed ‘em with some kindness afterall, as your karma might be messing with you…

regardless, the scallops were wonderful. peas and lima beans (both frozen) with a lot of mint and a hint of butter, the perfect bed to rest 3 scallops upon, seared with fresh thyme. gordon called for fava beans, not lima’s - and fresh shelled peas. but i don’t have to fear ‘the ramsey’ getting all up in my face, so the executive bean decision was - lima.

fyi - the scallops were NOT burned they were just deeply colored rendering them unattractive yet delicious

and this is a staple around here. greens (turnip this time although usually lacinato kale) and beans (rancho gordo - cannellini’s) with a dose of good red wine vinegar and olive oil, accompanied by copious amounts of rosemary and garlic - topped with a poached egg. and this is really just very, very damn good.

fyi - this totally tasted so much better than it looks here…

lately my food has been simple. even more so than usual. we’re eating things like whole wheat pasta with my own tomato sauce. the current blend is made with heirlooms grown in canadian hot houses, thrown in a blender and then added to a saute of olive oil with garlic, an anchovy, capers and red chile flakes with just a touch of sugar for balance and a few black kalamata olives. 5 big shrimp thrown on top work quite nicely. and then i have most certainly become a vegetable roasting fool. the last batch was portabella’s with eggplant, fennel and red bell peppers - served up with a grilled bison steak. so this is what i’ve eaten lately. not terribly exciting. but really good and wholesome. there is no cheese to speak of, no cream, minimal butter or (sob) bacon, no real desserts - and portions are definitely on the smaller side. yet somehow i am surviving. and i feel better already.

and THEN there are my guilty pleasures because i am ONLY HUMAN and i thought i would tell you what fills in the blanks these days:

(in no particular order)

• laughing cow low fat cheese wedges - 35 processed calories = a hunk of creamy spreadable cheese
• acai juice - 1/2 cup per day. which tastes almost like someone got funky chocolate on my funky raspberries
• diet dr. pepper - one a day. my fave besides dr. browns diet cream soda
• very lightly buttered toast with marmite and a cup of tea - i love this…
• sparsely spread peanut butter with june taylor’s blood orange marmalade
• amy’s frozen dinners - especially their ‘veggie loaf’ and ‘rice macaroni and cheese’ and well, i’ve been eating these for a long time…
• imagine’s boxed soups - butternut squash and creamy tomato (not proud)
• very little pieces of good dark chocolate with an espresso

for the record, my 1000 calories a day is looking much more like 1150. when i can stay at 1000 i am pleased with myself - but yes, it’s a tough number to adhere to. i’m on week 4 and i’m down about 6 lbs. i won’t lose much more than 1.5 a week (age and lack of exercise) but as long as i stay the course, i’ll be fine before too long. it’s still about 4 more solid months of me being ON IT. then i can loosen up a bit.

(i keep eyeing my spring clothes tucked away in the corner of my closet. one very pretty little pale overpriced grey dress in particular…)

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i used tilapia. o’charley’s perpetual "catch of the day". and really,  it’s a nothing kind of fish. farmed. not terribly exciting, yet i buy it all the time. tilapa is inexpensive. you can’t seem to overcook this fish. it crisps up with minimal oil. and it goes well with almost anything and everything. it’s definitely not the fish you have a fling with, it’s the one you marry. i have flings with, say, chilean sea bass - expensive and rich. but tilapia is your everyday fish. you can totally count on tilapia.

so my latest greatest is to chop up a fennel bulb and throw it in a pan with 2 teaspoons of oil and get it all browned up. i added minced garlic and some capers - an anchovy would work nicely too, and then a minute later some chopped fresh tomatoes (good canned are an option). and oregano. i love oregano. it’s right up there with thyme as my favorite herb. and rosemary. and basil. anyway, just season that up, add a bit of water, cook it down for a few minutes and put it on top of whatever’s going. fish. chicken. pork chops. pasta. italian sausage, giant lima beans… then add a few good olives. the fennel frond garnsh was for you - because i care. especially after the beige food assault of ‘09.

while adhering to ‘the plan’, not only do i count every calorie but i weigh everything. because i am neurotic that way and because i secretly kind of like it. i realize this eccentric ‘production’ isn’t for everyone but i can’t impress upon you enough how effective it is. i am trying to set myself up for success. because failure is just not an option. speaking of which, do you remember when wynonna went on oprah, all "i need to put myself on my list because i do sooooo much for my fans and family that i have no time to eat right even though i have a personal chef and trainer on staff"? it just wasn’t pretty on so very many levels. (personally, i think she left oprah’s studio and her first stop was shoney’s… bless her heart. (fyi - this is what they say in the south.))

i often make this for dinner even with fennel at $4 a bulb. and hey, by the way, is it me or are ‘whole foods’ produce prices out of control? anyway, the good news is that you get everything on that plate for in the neighborhood of 375 calories - and that right there is a caloric bargain. and c’mon. you gotta admit. that’s awesome…

UPDATE!!! THIS JUST IN:

Farm-raised tilapia has very low levels of beneficial omega-3 fatty acids, but high levels of omega-6 fatty acids, new research shows. Researchers say this combination could be dangerous for some patients with conditions including heart disease, arthritis, asthma and other allergic and auto immune diseases.

The study is in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association. Senior study author Dr. Floyd H. Chilton is quoted in the article: "If you’re in a vulnerable population such as a heart disease patient, you need to be very careful with what you’re eating, and that includes everything. But when it comes to fish, there’s not a more important thing you can do for heart disease than eat the right type of fish or take dietary fish oil. There is evidence that you may harm yourself by eating the wrong kind of fish, and [farmed] tilapia and catfish are the two that fall into that category."

and now 2 complimentary puppy pics of grace at 10 weeks old on her 7th day at home. because she is just too damn cute not to show off.

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no no, not the economic kind although that is being taken into consideration around here too. but i’m talking calories… i’m budgeting my calories. big time.

after playing with a few different methods of how to make this whole weight loss thing happen in my world, i finally decided that i had to go back to counting calories. there is just no other way. for me. i’m too much of an eater. too devious with my rationale. so this keeps me painfully honest. and with a nutritional computer program i can enter all the details of my food and - voilà - it’s been this many fat grams today, that much fiber… and since i have decided to stick to 1000 (yes 1000) calories a day, while making it all pretty nutritious - as in none of the "100 calorie snack packs", of for instance, oreo mini cakesters or those minuscule weight watchers cakes - every thing i eat matters. luckily, i like a challenge. 1000 is low but if you don’t crap it up with empty calories, it’s amazing what you can cram in there.

wait.. was that just the sound of every male reader clicking away from this post and ceF forever?

i won’t bore you with the specifics of what i eat most of the time… well maybe i will, but not right now. it’s all fairly plain. all close to the earth with the exception of some boca burgers and protein shakes. and then i cook. and then i think… is this even blogable? i mean i’ve made about 3 pots of soup since i last posted. most of them are all variations of this lentil soup. and i highly, but highly recommend this soup. and lately, i’ve been on a kale kick so that’s the green that gets tossed into the pot. a bag of my rancho gordo cannellini’s mingled quite nicely with some french green lentils, and for the non-weight-conscious i grated a bunch of parmegiano into the bowls. everyone loved it with big hunks of bread. but i was happy with this soup all on its own. i mean, my life is good. and i can eat baguettes and cheese again one day. just not today. or tomorrow. or february, march. or april. and you know what? i will LIVE! and come spring i will feel and look better. it’s the big cheese/baguette trade-off of ‘09..

so the other night i had to use up a big beautiful pristine looking head of cauliflower. i sliced an onion and put it, along with the florets onto a baking sheet and then sprayed it with a misting of olive oil and a sprinkling of sea salt. the vegetables roasted for awhile on high heat and required some moving around every 15 minutes or so for a total of about 45 minutes. i also threw some walnuts into a pie tin and toasted them until they turned deep golden brown. god, i love toasted walnuts…

i put a pot of water onto boil and took out some whole wheat spaghetti. when the pasta was cooked i tossed it into a bowl with the roasted cauliflower and onion and hit it with a touch of olive oil, thyme, meyer lemon juice, a drizzle of reduced balsamic vinegar and red pepper flakes. it’s crowning glory was a sparse sprinkling of the toasted walnuts. my portion was 2 ounces of spaghetti which alone was 180 calories. and yes, dear readers, 2 ounces is not much. it’s even kind of amusing. but i loaded on the roasted cauliflower and when it was said and done, i was pretty full.

i know i know… multi textured very beige food…

it’s a version of this recipe from alice waters that i made last april, sans cheese and the oil was cut to probably about 1/8 the amount i’d have normally used. and we loved it. and yes, there was no salty, richness of the ricotta salata. no extra virgin olive oil to coat each strand of pasta that would have made it taste the way it would in a perfect world… but i can eat these things again one day. just not today. maybe in may… and you know what? at the risk of being redundant, i will LIVE! and i will fit into all my very cool summer clothes again. and my jeans. i miss my jeans. i miss my other body… it’s under the extra poundage though… it’s there waiting to be freed…

and it’s a one day at a time thing. it’s all in the consistent chipping away at the extra blobules of fat on my body that has taken not only my good health and energy, but even some of my joy. and like, that’s totally crazy…

no pasta, pork or pudding is ever going to be worth that…

in the name of full disclosure:

dear readers, i am fully aware that this is a touchy subject for many of you. our culture demands women to be model thin and it is has made us into a gender plagued with eating disorders and deprivation. this country is getting fatter by the year, juvenile obesity is on the rise. commercials tell us to eat crap food, desserts at many of the national chains check-in at 1000 calories alone - and a fine dinner out is usually about 1500+ calories - EASY, not to mention the wine… and then we all go and sit in front of our computers. it’s confusing. but in the end we must all find our way.

i’m not the thin girl. i never have been - ever in all my life. but at 5′9" with a medium frame i look pretty damn good at 140 (better at 135 - but i just can’t get there so i’ve given up) and can still pull it off at 150. but i let the black stretchy pants assure me i was ok. and the next thing i knew i weighed as much as cary, who at 6′2" is 165. i am posting this for the world to see. i am 47 1/2 years old. i have limited mobility due to an injury that happened when i was 18. i use a wheelchair. and this is no excuse for anything. we all have our shit. i’m lazy and should get my ass to the Y every day to swim. i’m a strong swimmer. in the spring and fall i bike, but that’s a seasonal thing….

like you, food is a strong passion for me. i know great food and have been fortunate enough to be around it much of my life. i’ve traveled to eat for years, i’ve thrown my hands up in despair of the local restaurants and taken to my own kitchen. i. love. to. eat. i’m a plate cleaner from way back.

it sure would be really nice to be naturally thin, to have the metabolism of a hummingbird… but it was not to happen for me in this lifetime. my family fights fat. my brother eats out nearly every night - lavishly. and also hits the treadmill hard every single day. it’s the only way he can maintain. my dad used to eat light all week, come home from work every evening and do his floor exercises followed by a healthy dinner - and then he’d let loose on the weekends, whereas my mom smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank a lot of coffee to stay svelte… her parents were both obese.

and so it goes.

since there is no magic pill. i count calories. and i hope for some enlightenment that will lead me to a way of better balance once i get back down. god knows i’ve danced this dance before… and, i apologize. i know i have changed the tone here at ceF with a focus on the FRET. but i need to stop the madness.nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. you can quote me on that. it’s (ahem) totally original!

i appreciate having the forum to share this all with you. i hope my food will still turn you on…

ps - we adopted a puppy. meet grace. 9 weeks old. australian shepherd/lab mix. she is a very sweet girl…

welcome to the family…

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i present, a well grilled strip of grass-fed bison on a bed of steamed spinach with a sauté of caramelized red onions, golden raisins, granny smith apple and a splash of sherry vinegar. my version of a decadent dinner for the current ‘09 regime…

because, here’s the deal. ‘08 was quite the interesting and wonderful food odyssey. but when the year shook out, despite my paltry self-thwarted attempts at some kind of balance, i am somehow about 20+ lbs up. not 10. not 15. but 20+. and that is not pretty. not even a little. plus i feel both unhealthy and stupid. and i’d call that a rather pathetic combo.

oprah, how did we let this happen - again?

© Copyright 2006 Kevin Ebi/Living Wilderness.

i feel quite sure that faced with this animal in an uncompromising situation there’d be very little room for understanding or negotiation. bison are like the elephant men of 4 leggeds - WITH a punk hairdo, making them look even that much more disturbing.  (and really, i think they’re pissed about it.) but despite the aesthetics of the beast, i am a fan. and if only a bison’s mother could love the face, then i am content with loving the rest of it’s body. and here’s why…

assuming these numbers were correct, i went ahead and signed up to the tune of 6 filets and 8 ny strips of the grass-fed persuasion. because dear readers, let me share this bit of news with you. the party is OVER. but i’d still like a steak on occasion, and this seems to be a viable way to go. now, is bison akin to a super prime lobel’s steak, dripping with beefy goodness? honestly no, but we both liked the flavor. cooked rare and in all its leanness, it scratched the red meat itch. and i can live with that quite happily, if not smugly.

i’ve been writing this post in my head for weeks now, trying to come up with a way for ceF to continue on while i lean down - without boring you to tears. and i think that really, all i can do is to :

cook dinner
stay within my guidelines
and talk about it

i will admit to you that i feel a bit desperate. i have an entire wardrobe - and it’s a damn fine one, currently unwearable - at least by me. i’ve been relegated to the "stretchy and baggy" section of my closet.  quite frankly, i’m much more than a little embarrassed.

and because i’m now closer to 50 than 40, and because of my (in)activity level, it’s going to take super low calories to get me where i need to be. there are no special diets or pills. no rocket science. no secrets. it’s calories in vs. calories burned. and it’s getting as many nutrients into those calories as you can. which means sugar and fat grams have to stay lower then i like to entertain the thought of…

ok, so that’s where i am. i hope you’ll still stop by while i shift my focus to the leaner side of the food spectrum. obviously the fat epidemic is a national problem and those of us who are affected handle it in different ways. all i know to do is to take it a day at a time and cut back on my caloric intake, try to move more - and breathe deeply.

oh, and to buy a new car. because if i can’t eat pork belly, cheese and chocolate then in the interim i want to ride my fat ass around in some shiny german steel with serious horsepower.

because i am after all, merely a silly little human.

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