…and the other reason i hate halloween is that when your boyfriend’s kid comes over for the entire weekend and brings her entire huge bag of candy with her, you eat entirely way too much milk chocolate – which isn’t even your thing. and then you wake up on sunday morning feeling and looking like hell from a hefty fat and sugar hangover.
not that you were feeling and looking so fabulous on let’s say, even friday morning…
because it’s never the one lost hershey weekend, or the occasional over the top decadent evening with friends. it’s the long, long line of pasta dinners and buttered bread and throwing all dessert caution to the wind during an already calorie laden restaurant dinner. it’s cracker barrel on a road trip and sampling your way through costco or whole foods. it’s forgetting whose body you reside in and then eating the way that does you no good. it’s living to eat – which i do. and i am (still) packing on the lbs.
and i have no excuse. i am weak in the face of food and the food is winning. this round…
sometimes for stretches, i can do really well. i am mindful of every bite. i even go so far as to write it all down in my ‘diet’ computer program and watch it count my every carb/protein/fat gram. and you know? when i do that? it really helps me to stay in my jeans.
i am so not in my jeans.
my big jeans?
not in ‘em.
and even now, as a rule - halloween aside - i don’t eat any ‘junk’. i don’t eat fast food, or greasy chinese, or fatty mediocre mexican. i hardly ever indulge in pizza. i don’t grab food on the run. i don’t drink sugary drinks, or snack-on cookies or chips. i never have ice cream in the house. i don’t even allow a bag of bagels to cross the threshold. all. way. too. dangerous.
and still i am, for me, fat. again. so not good. well, worse than that, really. because somehow it is my weirdo kinda normal to gain-lose, and then gain-lose 25 lbs. in one year.
so here and now i am pledging that starting this sunday i am on a new plan. i am measuring and counting my intake. i am juicing. and eating lots of oatmeal. i will go to bed hungry every night. i like that feeling. that empty clean feeling.
and i will blog about it, and cook some great and mindful food – and hope that you check in. it’s not exactly the season to watch the scales go down. but this is my plan and i’m sticking to it.
but i still have 5 days before i go under! and wednesday night is bottarga 201!