‘woman reclining’ by sierra pardus, the most magical child on earth…

so it seems that just when i am finally back to blogging, i am also steering clear of the kitchen, living on somewhat plain fare. one of these days soon i will again balance this whole blogging, cooking and eating thing but right now i am focused primarily on the FRET which is not conducive to creativity in the kitchen, at least for me.

but regardless of any of that, in order to post i needed photographs to inspire me so the first order of business was to get a new camera as my old SLR had moved out. and then suddenly a beautiful nikon D40 landed so graciously in my hands. and i am growing to love it more every day, learning how to use it properly while coming to terms with the fact that it’s hard to focus on anything, when everything else is blurry…

i’ve decided that somehow this sculptural primary colored figure of a woman represents me, except i don’t really ever wear hats. and she is oh so painfully thin – and well, if nothing else, at least i’m on my way back down… but still she is me, reflecting on how she managed to get herself onto that hard surface in the first place and wondering what now to do… but dear readers, please know one very important detail about her, one that may be hard to discern being that her face is quite flushed. she is flashing a blazing smile. because she remains hopeful with an open heart…

and maybe she holds out hope because one of the best parts of life is that it’s full of all kinds of surprises. and as unlikely as this small one might sound, let me tell you about a cracker from vietnam…

we were shopping at a local global market when these were spotted right next to the rice paper wrappers, and for $1.79 or thereabouts, we decided to bring them home and see what they might be. the ingredients read: rice flour, black sesame seeds, white sesame seeds, onion, sesame oil, dried shrimp, salt, water, MSG, and sugar. they came with no directions or suggestions so first we tried to soak them as one might do with rice paper – but to no avail. so next they were popped into the oven and in just a few minutes, they became food.

the one on the left is uncooked, the one on the right is…

today when i baked one in my small convection oven, you could actually hear it expand. but you had to listen very carefully – just as one desperately needs to do in order to grow themselves… it was like hearing food stretch after waking up from a good long sleep. the heat transformed this curious disc  – and quickly, into something quite nice. there was a spice factor that i couldn’t quite figure out based on the ingredient list but nevertheless, MSG and all, they are damn good.

the tiny dried shrimp almost appear as if in suspended animation

along with a day filled with butterflies, hummingbirds, fawns and four point bucks, this was just another example of the beauty that surrounds us…

it’s been awhile, i’m well aware. and to make matters even worse, this post is merely a placeholder, a reminder that yes, I KNOW it’s been over 2 months since we last gathered but that i am still very much alive and i suppose one could say, perhaps even more alive than i’ve been in some time. but my god, so much has happened since then that i’ve just not been focusing on ceF.

you see… i’ve fallen in love.

so i ask you to please excuse my time off. i hope i haven’t lost you forever. i am here and i’ve so much to tell you but the weekend is upon us and i have walks to take and wine to drink and the most wonderful man in the entire world to share it all with.

oh, and then there’s all the food…

a wonderful dinner cooked for me by my guy.

now there’s a change…

what i had wanted to do to mark the opening of this movie was make bouef bourguignon alla julia child – or at the very least whip up a quiche lorraine, the 4th dish that julie powell, the julie of ‘julia & julie‘ tackled on the third day of "the project" those 7 years ago…

but instead i drove 500+ miles due north while listening to the unabridged audio book of ‘my life in france‘, and now it’s somehow past 3 am and i’m back in my pricelined hilton hotel room in the midst of suburbia where tonight alone there were no less than: 2 family reunions, 2 weddings and a bat mitzvah – all happening simultaneously, thereby cementing the fact that cleveland is clearly a happening place.

and already i’ve eaten well. tonight, dinner began with a jumbo shrimp cocktail on ice and then out came a beautifully composed plate – a simply summer salad of sugary corn, crisp green beans, new potatoes, roasted red peppers all placed over some various lettuces. and as if that wasn’t splendid enough, it was daintily topped with strips of crunchy pig ears. the salad was lightly dressed with shallots, olive oil and homemade red wine vinegar accompanied by a thick slice of homebaked bread that had been brushed with olive oil and perfectly grilled. all that, dining al fresco on a not-too-hot summer night in the backyard of people that i truly adore. i’m quite sure julia would have heartily approved – if only for the entire bottle of wine that i managed to consume…

and now, as much as i want to crash, i can’t. because i made a commitment to talk about this movie tonight, and here’s what i want to say…

go see it.

i’ve made it a point to not formally review anything on ceF. it’s a strict policy. but i did want to point you to a few articles that i thought were really well written regarding j & j.

newsweek

ny times

nashville scene/village voice

the atlantic

we all deeply love and admire julia child, and for all the right reasons. admittedly, i’m old enough to remember watching her show with my mom. i own ‘mastering the art of french cooking’ although i rarely if ever crack it. as you may know, ceF leans heavily towards the italian. yet julia child’s ‘the way to cook‘ is a book i go back to often and i have learned more about cooking from that book alone than perhaps any other.

julia did for cooking in america what garth brooks did for country music. they both brought what they were destined to do, to the masses – and in turn the people embraced them. and if you think that an odd analogy, remember that i’m living in music city, usa…

and julie powell? i love julie powell. i devoured her book 2 years ago. i received it as a gift back when i was brand new to blogging and i found it to be not only thoroughly entertaining but nicely written. she’s got a new book coming out in early december about her apprenticeship at a butcher shop. i’m looking forward to it.

i will tell you that my mom loved this movie. LOVED it. and she’s the toughest critic i know… that’s all i’m saying.

well that, and i really need to go to bed right now.

so – buon appetit!

<— i don’t know how to load this onto my sidebar because i am a techno-loser.

(thanks to sony and the powers that be for making ceF the food blog of the day on the official ‘julia and julie’ site. love you. mean it.)

i rarely get too personal on ceF. i pretty much keep it to food. but i felt the need to share this with you and if at all possible to even ask you for a small favor…

together, just this past week, we all watched in horror as mumbai became a war zone. we saw the death and destruction – and the innocent people who were being terrorized. as a nation we felt shocked, angry, even helpless. and we also felt thankful that we were home and that our loved ones were safe. we sat around our thanksgiving tables and spoke of what was happening in india, saying "can you believe this?" and  "how incredibly insane the world is"…

late wednesday night when i got home from a decadent pre-thanksgiving dinner with friends, and i finally got around to checking my voice mail, all i can remember was a message from my dear friend santos. he said he had bad news and went on about something to do with his wife "the beloved" and that she had been shot in mumbai and that he’d almost lost her but after emergency surgery it seemed that she would be ok… i didn’t even play the whole message. i was confused. i’d been busy all day and had seen something on the news that afternoon, but in the midst of my life, i had turned it off – never so much as thinking… so i immediately called his number and his sister answered. santos had been sedated but she patiently filled me in while i broke down and cried. she told me that rudrani was stable, and that santos was leaving in the middle of the night to get to an airport to fly to baltimore to go to the embassy to get his papers in order, so that he could immediately fly to mumbai and be by her side…

rudrani had been at my house for a dinner exactly 2 weeks before – just 2 days before she left for india.

but let me start at the very beginning…

i met santos about a year ago on the nashville scene’s food blog called ‘bites‘. there was no denying that this guy knew his food, but he could also make you laugh out loud with his witty repartee and seemingly endless trivial knowledge on virtually everything. on occasion, the ‘bites’ contributors and commenters would get together for lunch and so, santos and i finally met for the first time at prince’s – a nashville institution, and immediately became fast and furious friends. santos is a 110% latin american man from venezuela, and well, santos loves women. so being a woman around santos is delightful. he pays attention to detail. but make no mistake about it, at the end of the day there is only one woman for him. the beloved. his beautiful wife, rudrani about whom he can’t stop talking - and with the kind of adoration and devotion that you rarely see. and he never calls her by name. it’s always "the beloved".

and then i finally met her. and ok – so she’s gorgeous. but she’s also majorly fun and well, just lovely. and smart. and caring – to all creatures (she has bonded with my cat, merle) and she LOVES to eat. let me tell you, this woman is a serious carnivore. and so there were gatherings and dinners – and well, then i had two friends…

rudrani devi is a very spiritual woman, a true shaman who was fulfilling a deep desire to journey to india in the wake of her teacher, master charles cannon, joining him and about 20 other people on a meditation retreat. one week ago while having dinner in mumbai she was shot execution style while under a table at the oberoi hotel. the man next to her was shot in the head and died in her lap. alan scherr and his 13 year old daughter, both from the meditation group were killed.

santos lopez holding his beloved, rudrani devi at the hospital in mumbai.

santos has called me a few times from mumbai. one of the things he has mentioned is his desire to make a wonderful thankgiving dinner for his wife and their families. a thanksgiving dinner like no other. a day of food and celebration, a way to rejoice in the gratefulness of rudrani’s return to him, their home, their life together… and he asked me to help make it happen.

so in turn, dear readers, i come to you. because this year i traveled to nyc to be with family and i didn’t cook a lick. and so i need recipes. and i know they will be tried and true and fresh, not only in your mind but on your palate.

if i may ask you to leave in the ‘comments section’ some recommendations, or perhaps even a link to a post of a dish that was an absolute winner… that would be so nice. and if you would, please be specific. and i’d like it to be something traditional, something that really wowed you – the dish that you’ll be sure to make next year. we need it all – from the perfect turkey, a classic but out-of-this-world stuffing, a wonderful cranberry dish - to a few sides and of course desserts. oh, and there’s only one stipulation. no pork. at all. i know, i know. but we can do this….

and with your help, from these recipes we will comprise our menu. and i will be sure to report back to you with pictures and huge thanks in making rudrani’s december thanksgiving even more memorable…

i know that i can count on you…

i mean if not you, who?

              

my rss feeder broke.  and i didn’t realize it for 3 months.  mostly because i (still) don’t even understand what exactly an rss feeder is, or what it does – talk about being oh so techno savvy… but my stat’s were dropping off and well, try as i might to just ignore the cold hard numbers, i started to take it personally.  was it something i said?  something i cooked?  where did so many of my bleaders go and why would they leave me after all we have meant to each other? 

but before i called my therapist, i called mark from simpler computing! and he quickly came to my rescue – again.  thank you mark.  you solved the mystery and now once again you are so totally my blero. 

so listen up – all you techno losers out there that just like to cook and write and take a little photo here and there, but do not want to bother your pretty little heads with html and templates and embedding and wordpress editors that suck and the like, call mark.  today.  he can tweak your blog into submission.  AND he likes to cook… (btw – ceF is still under construction as i type so please bear with…)

speaking of liking to cook… here’s the deal.  i cook a lot.  but sometimes it’s just dinner.  and sometimes it’s not my idea of a blog worthy post.  and usually it’s just that i’m too lazy to write.  but it’s totally me, not you.  you, i adore.  you make my life better, adding an entirely new fangled dimension that did not exist just 16 months ago. but still, i am often unmotivated, or perhaps even more often than that, i’m just reading OPB’s…

so what happens is that some of these dishes fall by the blogosphere’s wayside.  but i thought since we were dealing with feeds and feeding, i’d show you what gets fed around here to my immediate world.  so i’m going to hit you with a fair few of what i’ve not bothered to bother you with until now, along with some pictures. take a deep breath – here goes…

look familiar?  this one was made with the half and half, as per ripert’s recipe.  was it better?  yes.  did i LOVE it?  not so much.  it’s ok.  kinda brunchy, not desserty.  i like custard.  life is good.  and eric, you’re totally cool and sexy and hot and all those things.  but my tony still has you beat, big time. i hope you can understand…

ok so i realize i am blogger #4721 to make jim lahey’s no knead bread.  but i did it.  quietly.  and it was a good and crusty loaf of bread that if nothing else looked very, very impressive. 

i baked it in my romertopf that i dug out and dusted off.  although it stays unused and because it looks so beautiful – i keep it.  i’m sure you understand such things.  so, i soaked the terracotta in water and then baked the bread as per the direction for a dutch oven.  i felt my dutch oven was too big and i didn’t want a 2" high bread.  somehow, this worked out quite nicely.  so take a chance, dear readers – bake no knead bread.  oh, and have i made this again since?  nope.  will i?  maybe, probably not.

this was made quite awhile ago.  it was panko encrusted chicken livers served over what i think was swiss chard and finely sliced ‘delightful tiny purple potatoes’ and shallots sautéed with pimm’s and port.  what?  you think they may not have been tiny and delightful?  you are sooooo wrong….

i present to you… delightful. tiny. purple. potatoes.  i only wish i could have been in the room when the marketing team thought of that.  can you imagine what the discussion would have sounded like?  i only know they were republicans with bad haircuts.  after that, i know nothing.

so now you ask, what the hell is that?  that, my dear readers is a watermelon salad with mint leaves, chili oil and feta – topped with a very anti-locavore piece of barramundi from costco via australia.  in a previous life i lived down under (husband #1) and ate this fish regularly.  perhaps i didn’t need to sit the barramundi on top of the watermelon, but it seemed like a good idea at the time… and it was our dinner that night and we were happy enough.  so stop smirking.  thank you.

i made this last weekend and it was good and rich and saucy and chicken thighey – all that with trofie pasta thrown in for very good measure.  it’s what patricia wells eats when she’s at home in provence, a recipe that i picked up from feeding groom.  oh and it’s got sherry vinegar and garlic cloves and dijon mustard and lots of tarragon and minced sundried tomatoes… it’s more wintry than it is septembery in nashville, but i had 4 chicken thighs in the freezer and suddenly this just happened…

ok are you ready to hear what this was supposed to be?  what it almost was… what i wished it might have been and what it could be if i ever decide to take it on again?  salted butterscotch pudding with chocolate covered bacon.  thank you and goodnight.  the end.  by claudia. 

except it never really thickened properly.  and benton’s bacon is crazy salty.  so salty that i forgot just how salty it was therefore making it an out and out wrong bacon choice.  because it seems that is actually possible.  to make a wrong bacon choice.  you’d think not, but what this dessert needed was a thin cut good bacon that crisps up in a curly, artsy strip, and only then could it be dipped into lindt chocolate and put into a pudding recipe that WORKS.  because this recipe did not.  and another blogger tried it and it didn’t work for her either.  so. oh well,  we all drank our pudding and chucked the wayyy too salty pork.  seemed sinful but we got over it.  we lived and learned, moving onwards and upwards – with the comforting knowledge that bacon rarely ever lets you down…

so not even a little pretty.  AND the wrong color bowl.  but it was just a simple dinner of fresh crowder peas with bacon.  the bacon did just as it should, redeeming itself from the previous mishap.  there was something else served with this but really, i have no idea… i think it was grilled tilapia.  unexciting, quick and easy and not exactly memorable – but hey, not every night can be foie gras…

OK – EVERYBODY STAND UP AND STRETCH.  NO REALLY.  BECAUSE I AM NOT DONE.  BATHROOM BREAK?  GO ON.  I’LL WAIT….

oh, hi, you’re back.  wonderful, because i was worried… ok, just a few more…

this was lazzaroli’s sweet potato and ricotta ravioli.  i dressed it up with a side of kale, done in a sauce of olive oil, cream, honey and sage, and then dusted the pasta with nutmeg and parmegiano.  again – super fast and easy.  (tommy noodles, you are a nashville godsend… thank you for giving me an option that is first rate and still allows me to get creative.)

yes, i too jumped on the bandwagon thanks to michelle from thursday night smackdown and all the rest of you that grilled the hell outa a bunch of pizzas…  except michelle was the one who took my call on a saturday night so i could get very specific information about the whole pizza grilling process.  this particular pizza was taken from her post and it was damn fine.  i cooked down some swiss chard in a bit of olive oil, salt and pepper, and used copious amounts of minced garlic and ricotta.  i also sliced up a big ripe yellow tomato with red stripes running through it (we will miss you beautiful heirloom tomatoes),

awesomeness, no?  well yes – but… from here on in i’ll stick to the pizza stone with my oven set to broil and 550f… because grilled pizza is too damn white on top.  and flipping it before the toppings go on doesn’t allow the cheese and sauce to bake into the dough and well, my grill runs hot (it’s infrared) so even on the lowest setting it never got the top brown and i kept having to turn the flame on and off so as not to scorch the bottom and was nervously moving it to the top rack and well, i like my pizza stone in my oven.  so if i had a real charcoal grill which i don’t and do not plan on getting because it’s too much work and i am not willing (go on – think of me what you will but there are extenuating circumstances… like a boyfriend who is also happy with oven baked pizza’s), maybe that would be better.  but as it stands, and i repeat – i am a pizza in the oven kinda gal – set to broil on super high heat with the stone on the very bottom rack.  but i made the obligatory grilled pizza.  yes i did.

i present to you… voodoo mac and cheese

do you read gild the (voodoo)lily?  if not, you need to read gild the (voodoo)lily…  heather is very smart and very funny and this bitch can cook.  and i mean that in a good way.  heather is another one of those foodcentric people that seriously knows how to put ingredients together.  like if you turned your pantry over to her, she’d blow your mind.  and you’d be thinking all, why didn’t i think of that?… and the answer is because she KNOWS MORE THAN YOU DO.  plus she’s a botanist.  a freakin’ botanist... so she’s always growing and foraging and well, it’s a little bit intimidating.  heather could totally kick your ass and never even touch you…

anyway, back in july she made something called garden mac.  for her it was merely a ‘clean your fridge out’ kinda dinner, and i’m thinking – mac and cheese with roasted tomatoes in a bechamel base?  sign me the hell up. 

the ingredients i used were as follows; mostaccioli pasta, the 4 cheeses were – asiago, parmigiano reggiano, st jerome and fontal.  and for the garden part – fresh thyme and heirloom tomatoes, kale, onion, squash and zucchini.  i drove all the ingredients about an hour south, down to my friend shannon’s house and we spent the day cooking and drinking wine and talking and laughing and then we sat out on the porch overlooking her farm and had a late lunch…

and for the grand finale i give to you an extremely abbreviated version of my veal stock mission…

bones arrive from snook’s.  i tried for weeks to find a local source.  nada.

20 lbs.

because i am awesome…

i made brown and white stock.  i followed the ruhlman way.  it is the only way. (great version here)

otherwise when you die, you go to culinary hell where you are forced to live on nothing but shoney’s buffets. (please click on the shoney’s link.  there are no words…)

and hey, thanks so much for reading.  i realize this post was a commitment. 

you can go now…

i’m in nyc slowly eating my way through the entire town.  just know that i do this for you, dear readers and i will report back in detail very soon.  in the meantime, on this auspicious day i wanted to leave you with my 15 minutes of true nashville fame. 

if you are drinking coffee – put it down now or it will shoot through your nose and ruin your computer forever…

the nashville scene 2008 lust list
(scroll until you find the older looking woman in reading glasses)

thank you and good night

i’m in the midst of changing the look here at ‘ceF’ and well, this brings up a lot of issues of ineptness on my part.  because writing and cooking – and having a life outside of writing and cooking is already an interesting challenge.  but then throw some major technology my way and i am truly at a loss.  seemingly huge blocks of my life go missing and next thing you know i’m in a panic and wishing for an intrevenous xanax drip.

so i’ve come to rely on mark edwards over at Simpler Computing!.  he’s a virtual miracle in my life these days because i call him up and tell him what to do – and he does it.  and he’s so nice to me.  and he loves to cook.  mark speaks all those code languages fluently.  (hi mark!)

did you notice i’ve got a new banner?  it was designed by amy roth, the author of one of my favorite food blogs ‘minimally invasive‘.  besides being an adventurous cook, a fine writer and an excellent graphics designer, she’s also a gifted photographer and i am really drawn to how she sees things.  a sincere and grateful thank you for her interpretation of how i envisioned the site and what i felt might work.  i wanted to convey a modern clean vibe.  she nailed it and i’m loving the new look.

i’m just now starting to get up the nerve to use cary’s nikon d70 and i’m in the dangerously embryonic stages of learning what buttons do what in order to get a result that i might like.  i just got a new 50mm lens and soon i hope to get a flash – and a tripod.  and well, the time has come to take the photos up a notch.  so please bear with me through the learning process.  this is very new territory – aperture, f-stops, lighting, depth of field…  yikes.  it will be interesting to see what i can capture through a lens once i get the basics down.

i also want to take a moment to thank all of you out there in the blogosphere who drop in on occasion to see what i’m up to.  ‘ceF’ has added a very cool dimension to my life and i’m so grateful to all of you for reading and commenting.  cooking and eating have always been a serious passion for me and so to be able to share it in this way feels like i’ve stumbled upon something just a little magical.  the ‘FRET’ aspect of all of this looms larger than life for me at times – hence the rare capitalization – and i include those specialized posts because i know i am not alone in this struggle to maintain a reasonable weight.  i try and lead a healthy life with a solid dose of decadence.  it is a slippery slope, no doubt.

so on this december eve, i find myself wondering what i might cook this weekend.  i want to keep it light – but it’ll be something new.  something different. 

i’ll be sure and let you know.

sometimes on the weekend cary and i might hit the grocery store and he’ll faithfully stand by while i agonize over package labels and ingredients.  one particular saturday we were at our neighborhood supermarket and as i was pouting in the pasta aisle, lamenting the very sad fact that there was no orecchiette to be had, he reached for the ‘alphabets’ and said ”hey, i want these so i can spell out ‘i wanna kiss my girlfriend’” (which actually is close to, but not quite what he said – but for our purposes will do nicely).  naturally, i found that rather endearing and grabbed the bag and threw it into our cart.

so on a night when my guy is working late, i’m fighting a cold and it poured down rain for most of the day this was my ambitious kitchen project:

obviously ‘world finer foods‘ who manufacture davinci pasta is struggling with the precarious balancing act of the letter I and hasn’t quite ironed out the kinks in this particular mold.  i felt like a contestant on ‘the wheel of fortune’ desperately needing to buy a vowel.  or perhaps it’s a more freudian explanation, removing the “I” from the conscious mind, disabling the ego which would in turn enable me to even buy davinci pasta as opposed to its shelf-mate barilla pasta, a far superior product - but alas not a maker of the ‘alphabets’.

and now, i just keep looking at the innocence of the simple statement ’i wanna kiss my girlfriend’ thinking it reads more like the question “u wanna kuss my gurlfruend?”

i suppose if i’d stuck to the actual words that cary had uttered that day perhaps a tad too loud amidst the aisles of publix, this whole linguistic exercise would have taken a much different path.

this post has been brought to you by NaBloPoMoShmoFauxHoHo

(lardo di colonnata from tuscany)

i try to keep these FRET’s to a minimum but the truth is that if you knew how much of my life this fretting thing consumes you’d probably find me to be kinda screwed up and possibly wouldn’t like me anymore.  assuming of course, you ever liked me at all.

i’m one of those folks that can pack on fat – and quickly.  to stay at a reasonable weight i need to eat very little.  my body operates best on small amounts of very clean food.  i’m sure this is a human condition – but look, some of you are just luckier in this department and can get away with more.  like my guy, which is the one reason to sometimes resent him.  not that he doesn’t watch it and obsessively weigh himself daily.  but he has a lot more wiggle room when it comes to ordering dessert than i do…

the curse runs rampant through my family.  and it’s all due to what i’d easily call a rather sick relationship with food.  it is a true addiction and it’s been passed down through generations.  not only are we plate cleaners but we do it with such flourish as not to leave a morsel from our second helpings.

cut to one of my favorite jewish jokes:  mrs. goldstein is talking to her friend mrs. greenberg about a restaurant she ate in the night before.  her comment - ”the food was absolutely horrible, and the portions were sooooo small…”

that about sums up how i was raised.

and i could write the book.  how to eat, what to eat – every tip, every in-the-know way to get/stay lean.  i have done it all.  and more.  seriously.  no really really.  i win in this category.  really.

but with all i ‘know’ -  it’s pretty much all in the ‘doing’.  and i am inconsistent, to say the very least and i am ashamed of myself for being so weak in the presence of food.  i wake up panicked – literally i open my eyes and think – “oh no” as i envision the great clothes hanging in my closet, and my selection growing smaller as my waistline expands.

the biking helps on so many levels.  but unless you’re lance armstrong and on the bike for hours, burning through every calorie, it’s not the exercise that will ultimately slim you down. it’s the reduction of those calories.  it’s pretty simple math.

i’ve always had this dream that lying would make you fat – not fettucine alfredo…

i try not to fret. but i do and it’s a long list why – some of which is ridiculously unfounded, some i’m sure comes from deeply ingrained childhood stuff (got an hour?) and some is just a part of living on this earth and being human. and well, obviously not a very good buddhist.

i fret less when i’ve been on the bike. and this is now the end of week 3, back on after what became over a 3 week hiatus. i’m hitting it hard but i’m not nearly as fit as i was back in the spring. i’m slower most likely because sadly there’s more weight to move. a solid 10 lbs makes a big diff. but the riding helps my head, this much i know. and i feel more powerful – more alive. it’s also one less thing to beat myself up about, one less thing in the “i know i should be doing this and i’m not” category. and i can’t break my current stride because if i do – it’ll be too damn hard to start up – again. so until it gets out and out chilly, my ass is on that bike. and that’s just the way it’s gotta be.

but hey! guess what? i’m heading home to nyc next week.

cary has his kids for 9 days starting this evening and i decided to get outa dodge for a portion of that program. i’ll see everyone through the bulk of next week with school drop-offs and pick-ups and soccer games and track meets and dinners. and then thursday afternoon, i fly.

anyway, i need a haircut. it’s like i’ve suddenly got the mermaid look which is a direct result of not getting my hair cut due to the fear of being temporarily ruined (again) by a nashville stylist. my last trip to ny was back in may and i decided to wait because well, with a great nyc haircut comes nyc prices and if i told you what a cut and color run using my team of guys – well, you’d choke ever so slightly on whatever fabulous thing you’re eating – and rightly so.

and i get to ride a bike in central park for a few glorious mornings which is one of my favorite things to do in the world. it’s a 6 mile loop with a killer hill up by harlem that burns off the sins of whatever restaurant i ate in the night before. but it’s a beautiful way to spend a morning. god i love nyc…

oh. and i need a great meal – or three. so many of the bloggers out there that i adore are in nyc or thereabouts. so i’d love to hear where you’re eating these days. i know that one night i’m goin to ‘lavagna‘ on east 5th. and i’m really wanting to check out ‘prune‘. and as much as i loved ‘babbo‘ and i want to go back, it’s a reservation nightmare. although i know i can go and wait for an open table…

and most importantly i get to spend time with my mom. she is the quintessential ny woman in oh so many ways. and i get to hang out a little with my best friend yve – a role we’ve played together for 35 years. just typing that number is kinda freaky because taking it all into consideration we look pretty damn good and are uber cool for 46 year old women.

just ask us we’ll tell you…

for awhile there i was feeling as though inertia was the only thing keeping me moving at all…

after a 24 day hiatus from the bike, i am back.  and as much as i don’t particularly care for the early start time – when i’m finished,

i  am  so  damn  glad  that  i  did  it  you  have  no  idea  …

oh, you do?  this is your story too?  no kidding!  i just figured it was me.

so i’m on target to ride a minimum of 4x a week.  yesterday morning’s ride clocked in at 48:52.  my best time is 40:34, so i’ve a ways to go to get my time back down.  but in a week or so i will feel more powerful, i will have a slight glow, my psyche will be more peaceful - and i will (please god) even eat lighter.  because i’ll have entered that ever evasive ‘zone’.

and in a few weeks perhaps i will no longer fear the second number of that evil triple digit summation that leers from the rigid plate that i so gingerly step upon.

oh the drama…

(update – my ride this morning - 46:38)

not much change on the weight front.  still 10 lbs. over.  and it’s summer.  aren’t we supposed to be eating lighter, shouldn’t we be being more active, behaving more – well, summery?  like those people who insist they can’t eat when it’s so hot.  i hate those people.

but today it was 100 again.  and tomorrow they’re calling for 103 and i just can’t hang outside.  it’s friggin oxygenless because not only is it hot, it’s hot and humid – and after an hour or so in the heat i just want to go and crash.  this heat zaps me but good.

and i’m not riding my bike like i should be.  and i really should be.  seriously.  i should be waking up at 6am to get out there at 7am at the very latest – beating the heat.  but see, that’s the problem with not having a schedule… i’m becoming a little lazy.  

but oh how i love to busy myself in the kitchen or hang out on the computer – while i talk on the phone to my best friend in ny – with ’ellen’ on in the background.  yes, i am a multi-tasking fool.  but honestly, this life of mine has been freaking me out lately.  i’ve literally been getting panic attacks, feeling just a tad too self absorbed for my conscience to swallow.  can a conscience swallow?  hey, let me google it and find out – that should kill an hour or so…

so what happened was that after my chicago chowdown i literally had nothing but fresh fruit for 3 solid days and i was starting to feel human again.  then the weekend came and we had a wonderful dinner each night but i stuck to my fruit only policy during the day.  but then sunday came and there were these sweet potato pancakes for breakfast – so good - and then i baked.  i’m not supposed to bake, remember?  baking = trouble.  and then yesterday was monday, the perfect day to start anew… and well, have you ever had a babybel gouda cheese discy thing sprinkled with truffle salt melted between two corn tortilla’s and grilled to crispy lovliness?  me neither. until yesterday.  actually, i might be the first person to ever have eaten that… wow, what a concept.  and you know, it was kinda very good… not that i’m encouraging you to make this – at all.  i was just really hungry and acting quickly.

so today brings the dawn of a new day and here i am up at 5 am – fretting about my weight again and talking to you…

it’s the last day of july and quite frankly it’s been an eating frenzy around here.  between the new blog, two summer excursions, celebrating both our birthdays and a 9 day stretch with my guy’s kids – well, i’ve been bad – very bad.

now i’m not making any excuses.  it’s all me – and my lack of discipline.  and although i ride that cycle of mine, i’m not super active and my body requires very little food.  unfortunately my brain seems to require quite a bit if food.  and i truly love to cook.  so it’s a slippery slope of which i spend quite a bit of time on my fat ass.

i’m up, i’m down, i’m up, i’m down… i’m up.

the scale sits on my bathroom floor, daring me to step up and be counted.  so as a guilty man with the fear of god in his soul must put his hand upon a bible in a courtroom and confess, i too do the same.  only here the evidence beeps 3 times and with my head hanging down in both disgust and fear, the 3 digits blare the ugly truth.  the sentence has been delivered.  restrict your calories for a minimum of two weeks.  or else.

and it’s a big ‘here we go again’ as i am a repeat offender.